


bellyache (ON HIATUS!)

by pinkishseok



Series: would you be so kind? [1]
Category: Pentagon (Korea Band), TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Confessions, EXPECT MY PENTAGON BABIES TO START APPEARING HERE BC I LOVE THEM, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay Panic, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Secret Crush, Slow Burn, Teen Romance, Teenagers, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Crush, also unrequited sookai bc im just a cruel bitch, bisexual choi beomgyu, btw theyre all in the same school but not in the same year, im adding tags as i go, kang taehyun being dramatic, ningning baby im so sorry, omg i have the honor to be the first one to use this tag, they think beomgyu is the straight friend but their gaydar is just shitty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-02-27 20:18:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18746371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkishseok/pseuds/pinkishseok
Summary: "Shut up already.""Hey! Treat me nicely, I'm your favorite hyung!"That, he is.🌹Or, the one where Beomgyu goes on dates with who he believes to be the perfect girl for him and Taehyun wishes he was the one taking him out instead.





	1. the little things

**Author's Note:**

> so... pls be gentle  
> i started liking these two sunshine muffins and craved some taegyu so i did this  
> i've never written anything and english isn't my 1st language so, in advance, IM SORRY

"Believe me, you'll like her! She's—"

 

"Totally my type, I know. You've said the exact same thing about the last three girls."

 

Yeonjun deflated in his seat and sipped on his iced coffee. The five of them were at the cafe near Huening Kai's house, the place being their meet up spot for a long time now.

 

"I'm serious this time. Besides, she's been whining to me non-stop about being alone, she's making me go crazy."

 

"So you're just using me to get your friends to stop annoying you?" Taehyun silently drank his milkshake as he adverted his gaze from his laughing best friend to his blue-haired hyung, whose mouth was opening to argue, but Beomgyu was faster to tease him. "Why don't you tell Soobin hyung to go with her, then?"

He ignored Soobin's confused _what?_ as he continued, "He's sweet, he's got the dimples, tall as fuck, everything a girl wants."

 

"First of all, you brat, language," Taehyun was trying his goddamn best not to let a giggle out at Yeonjun's sudden defensive tone, "Second of all, he's gonna be busy hanging out with me. And this is about you."

 

The blonde just sighed, probably having accepted that it was a lost battle as soon as Yeonjun mentioned the word _date_. "I don't have a choice, do I?"

 

"You're learning!" The oldest in the table winked and went back to his coffee.

 

 

 

 

 

🌹

 

 

 

 

 

"Aw, shoot."

 

"What's wrong?" Taehyun asked without lifting his eyes from his text books, which he had been reading since he and Beomgyu got to the latter's house, that being at least two hours ago. You see, they have an exam next week, and even though Taehyun had paid attention on this class, he just didn't wanna risk it.

 

"Remember the friend Yeonjun-hyung's making me go out with?" He didn't wait for Taehyun to respond, "He said I have to go on this date on Saturday, that she's only free that day."

 

"And what's wrong with that?"

 

"I wanted you to go with me to that arcade place that opened a week ago..."

 

"Well... why don't you just take her there then?"

 

"I really wanted wanted to hang out with you at the arcade," Beomgyu pouted, looking like a stubborn child. Taehyun could only let himself smile a little while he watched the blonde furiously type on his phone, probably texting Yeonjun back.

He suddenly stopped typing to look at the brunette boy, a bit of excitement shining in his eyes, "why don't we go now?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"To the arcade!"

 

"Oh, nope. We gotta study."

 

"Please!" Beomgyu insisted, standing up from the floor to go sit on his bed and look at his friend, still pouting and now with his arms crossed. "We'll have fun!"

 

Taehyun just sighed, suspecting Beomgyu just wanted to go out to stop studying.

 

"So?" Beomgyu looked at him, waiting for an answer.

 

"I just don't get why you agree to go on all these dates when you obviously aren't interested in any of these girls," he said instead and went back to his studies.

 

He looked at his hyung again, starting to feel weird in his tummy when he didn't say anything back.

 

"You aren't, are you?"

 

"I mean, well..."

 

The brunette felt his bellyache start to become a bit intense for some reason. Huh, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have that big of a snack break earlier that day.

 

He didn't like the feeling. "What? Well what?"

 

Beomgyu just looked at him for a second before breaking into a big smile, ignoring his question.

 

"What now?"

 

"Nothing, just," Beomgyu giggled, "you look so stressed your eyes got bigger, and now you look like a confused puppy."

 

Okay, what the hell. Beomgyu knows Taehyun doesn't really _love_ people commenting about how big his eyes are. Yeah, sure, the majority of the time they were compliments, but so many people seemed to feel the need to tell him something about how big they are every day, that at some point it gets—

 

"It's cute."

 

Oh.

 

Okay, maybe he can let Beomgyu talk about his eyes. Only Beomgyu, though. And only if he calls them (him) cute again— uh, what?

 

If the blonde actually meant what he said or was just trying to get him to shut up, Taehyun doesn't know, but if it was the latter, it worked. He looked down and concentrated hard on his books again, without saying a word. Maybe that way he could pretend he wasn't practically hearing his heart thump inside his chest. When he was reading the same sentence for about the seventh time, still unable to completely focus and comprehend what it said (and just about to forget about his dumb pounding heart), Beomgyu spoke up again nearly making him jump.

 

"You should take a break, we already studied a lot."

 

"If you wanna go play games go ahead, but I'm staying here. 'M trying to pass this class."

 

"Come _on_ , I know we'll pass this even if we stop now. And you need a break now, you looked kinda stressed just a second ago. You should remember Soobinie-hyung told us not to overwork ourselves!"

 

"Uh, yeah," he said, because of course he was stressed because of the exam just now. There's nothing else to be nervous about. At all. "Yeah, sure."

 

"So we're going to the arcade?"

 

"Yeah, yeah, just so you shut up about it already."

 

"Hey! Treat me nicely, I'm your favorite hyung!"

 

That, he is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

🌹

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 _date is going gr8 actually she just went to the bathroom!!!_ , Beomgyu had texted him a few minutes ago.

 

Taehyun's strange bellyache had come back and he felt so uncomfortable that he had to grab and hug the stuffed animal Beomgyu had gifted him earlier that week at the arcade, for comfort.

He knows it started when he realized Beomgyu was actually showing interest in his date for the first time since he started going out with Yeonjun's friends. It was a rare ocassion, yes, their hyung will probably be delighted to find out Beomgyu actually liked his friend —Lia, was it? He wasn't sure—, but Taehyun only sat on his bed looking at his phone, feeling as if his heart had sunk to his belly. He didn't know why. He couldn't think of an excuse for his upset stomach this time.

 

This girl was likely the sweetest, funniest person in the entire country. She had to be, since she was the first girl Beomgyu seemed to like. She wasn't the first or last one to like him, though. A lot of girls did. Everyone liked Beomgyu. How did he do it? How did he make everyone love him?

 

Maybe it's in the little things.

 

In how he seemed to light up an entire room with his smile. The way he was so mindlessly kind and so contagiously joyful that every person he encountered found themselves being attracted to him.

 

Or in how he always chose to do his best in everything he puts his mind on, in the way he always wanted to help everyone and make things better.

 

Or was it in his looks? In his pretty smile and honey eyes that could melt any heart?

 

Maybe it's in the way Beomgyu's pretty smile grew more and more every time Taehyun let him win at a game at the arcade. Or in the way he insisted to get a stuffed animal for Huening Kai, and then another one to give it to Taehyun for _being a good dongsaeng_.

 

Or in the way he always let Taehyun have the last sip of what he was drinking, and the last bite of what he was eating.

 

Or in the way he always knew what to say to make Taehyun feel comfortable enough to show his easily hidden emotions.

 

But... what was it?

 

What was Taehyun even thinking about anymore?

 

 _im glad beom, have fun_ , he replied.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was one in the morning. One A.M, and Beomgyu hadn't bothered to text him to let him know he got home safely, or how bad the date was, how he couldn't wait to hang out with him soon, nothing. Nada. Not one message.

 _hey,_ Taehyun typed,  _just wondering if u had a good date._ He immediately deleted it.

_yo, did you get home safely? let me kno x_

 

_you're probably asleep already but hope ur day went okay_

 

 _hmu when you can, i miss yo—_ "No, no," he whispered to himself, feeling a little dumb, deleting the fourth sad attempt at a message that didn't make him seem too clingy, or desperate to talk to him, or anything. Not that he was any of that. He turned off his phone.

 

He sighed and just looked at it for a moment before deciding his impulses that night were just stronger than him. He turned the phone on again, going to open Beomgyu's chat again to read the last message he sent to him several hours ago, when a bubble suddenly appeared on his screen indicating that the other was typing. In a rush, he gasped and tried to close the app quickly, but of course his phone had to freeze right when he was repeatedly punching the little home button with his thumb.

He didn't exit the chat on time and his hyung's message appeared, making Taehyun throw his phone on the bed and cover his face with hands in embarrassment. Beomgyu probably saw the blue tick that meant the younger boy had read his message as soon as he sent it, so now he knows Taehyun was already in his chat. At one in the morning. He probably knows Taehyun had been trying —and failing miserably— to talk to him. And how flustered he's getting just because of a message. He must be laughing at him. Oh, God, Taehyun wanted to hide.

 

He felt his face go red that moment, and mentally kicked himself for becoming such a dramatic schoolgirl.

 

 _**beomie  
** _ **01:09**

taehyunie!!!!!

 _**me  
** _ **01:13**

hi hyung  
i was abt to go to sleep

 _**beomie  
** _ **01:14**

oh thts okay!! just wanted to let u kno i got home safely

got distracted today n forgot to text u srry

also tmrw im going to ur house cuz i miss uuu

 

 

Taehyun didn't smile like a dumbass. He didn't. Seriously.

 

 _**me  
** _ **01:14**

ur here everyday moms gonna kick u out

 _**beomie  
** _ **01:15**

shut upp ur mom loves me  
welp see u tmrw. sleep well!!! <3  
i need to tell u abt my date btw!!! u wont believe wht happened!!!!

 _**me  
** _ **01:17**

yea  
<3

Taehyun sleepily sighed for the nth time at his bright phone screen before closing his eyes. He tried his best to fall asleep as soon as possible with a crowded mind, a heavy heart and an annoying feeling in his stomach.


	2. talk about it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Come on, don't think I didn't realize!"
> 
> "Realize what?"
> 
> "That you're jealous of Beomgyu and the girl!"

* * *

"We have a date later today. It'd be the fourth one already, guys! It's great! She's really nice. And not just fake nice like all of them! She's actually lovely!"

 

"Never heard you use that word," Taehyun murmured from his sofa, curled up against Soobin.

 

"Which one? Lovely?"

 

"Yeah."

 

He shrugged. "Can't think of another word to describe her."

 

"Oh no, he's gone. We lost him." Yeonjun fake gagged from his spot on the floor, in between Soobin's legs.

 

"You know it's your fault, right? You can't complain now, you made them meet up."

 

"Shut up, Soobin-ah. I didn't know Beomgyu was such a sap."

 

"Let me enjoy this!" The blonde laughed, "I'm just happy this is going somewhere. 'M tired of being single. Don't you sometimes just want someone to kiss and cuddle with?"

 

"Yeah," Taehyun bursted out immediately and the room fell silent. He looked around and saw everyone's eyes were on his face, looking at him as if he had grown a second head.

 

"Woah, Tae, didn't know you were one of those guys," Soobin said.

 

"I could've sworn you were asexual!"

 

"Beomgyu!"

 

"What?"

 

"He's just shy, guys. Of course he has those feelings too," Kai spoke up.

 

"Yeah, feelings he doesn't show! I've never seen you be interested in anyone that way!" Yeonjun voiced while Taehyun tried to will his blush away and simultaneously make himself smaller and smaller in his place until he disappeared.

 

"'Cause I'm not," he rushed, "I don't give a single damn about anyone touching me."

 

They fell silent once again, and he mentally thanked Huening Kai when all of a sudden he heard him start talking about something else to distract their attention from the flustered boy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone except Beomgyu had left Taehyun's house and now it was the both of them just being lazy in his room, Taehyun hugging the stuffed cat —he named it Cuddles. It's a _great_ name, okay?— Beomgyu had gifted him, when the boy spoke up in a teasing tone.

 

"So you want someone to kiss and cuddle with?"

 

"Please, don't." Beomgyu laughed at his quick response.

 

"I'm your best friend, I have the right! And there's nothing to be embarrassed about!"

 

"..."

 

"So then, do you have a crush on anyone and haven't told me?" He pouted and grabbed his own shirt dramatically, as if his heart was aching. "I'm hurt! Thought we had no secrets!"

 

"I don't."

 

Fake it 'til you make it, they say. Still, he felt a tiny wave of guilt wash over him for lying right to his best friend's face.

 

Not like telling the truth was an option.

 

"Don't worry, I'm not hiding anything. Don't you have to go get ready for your date?"

 

"Oh, you're right!" Beomgyu stood up and started changing at the speed of light, and Taehyun just pursed his lips and murmured a quiet "good luck"as he saw Beomgyu run out the door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 _ **problem child kai**_  
**18:32**  
  
hey r u free rn  
wanna hang out

 _ **me**_  
**18:33**  
  
yea sure. come to mine if u want  
i have new video games to play  
i kno thats the only reason u wanna hang out w me

 _ **problem child kai**_  
**18:33**  
  
u caught me :P  
btw tell beom ill bring him the sweater he landed me the other day  
also can i stay the night imy :(

 ** _me_**  
**18:34**  
  
u literally invaded my house w the other dumb butts today after school  
but sure ning my mom says its ok  
hes not here btw

 ** _problem child kai_**  
**18:34**  
  
im gonna take that as a "imy too"  
o rlly? i thot he was,, hes always w u

 _ **me**_  
**18:34**  
  
nah hes on his date w that girl lia

 _ **problem child kai**_  
**18:35**  
  
STILL??  
damn its been hours he must be having a gr8 time

 _ **me**_  
**18:35**  
  
are u coming or not.

 ** _problem child kai_**  
**18:35**  
  
im omw jeez

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

🌹

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"So he ditched you for the girl, huh?" Kai laughed, eyes glued to the screen in front of them.

 

"He wasn't gonna come here either way," Taehyun murmured, killing off Kai's character in a second, which earned him a scoff and a _screw you_.

 

"So. Are you going to tell me why you're all sulky?"

 

"What are you— I'm not?"

 

"You totally are."

  
"I'm not. Why would I be?"

  
  
"Oh, you tell me."

  
  
"Ning, I'm fine."

  
  
"Quit lying."

  
  
"Did you just come to my house to try and get emotions out of me? Play psychologist?"

  
  
"I mean, why not."

 

Kai whined when his character was killed again, "Can you stop killing me?"

  
  
"Not my fault you're bad at this."

  
  
"You always let Beomgyu win but then you just make me die! You traitor."

  
  
"I—I don't!"

 

They restarted the game for the nth time and didn't say anything for a minute, both concentrated on the two tiny people fighting on the TV.

 

"So are you gonna stop playing dumb or what? I'm here to listen, you can rant all you want."

 

"Kai I literally have no idea what you're talking about."

 

"Come on, don't think I didn't realize!"

 

"Realize what?"

 

"That you're jealous of Beomgyu and the girl!"

 

What.

 

"Ah-hah!" Kai screeched when he finally killed Taehyun's character, the older gone completely still. "So," he turned to look at Taehyun, "Let's talk."

 

"What? About what? I'm... I'm not—"

 

"Yeah, yeah, you're not jealous, you don't care, I'm just saying nonsense. Can we skip that part?" Kai gazed at his friend who looked very shaken up. Poor thing almost looked like a deer caught in headlights. "Look, I know you all think I'm the dumb one in the group, but I can see these things. You're acting the same way as you did before."

 

"Before _when_? I never acted in any weird way with any of my friends."

 

"Taehyun hyung! I'm being serious!"

 

Taehyun looked at the stuffed cat on his own lap, playing with the controller in his hands, "I'm not jealous of Beomgyu or the girl or anyone. Why would I be?"

He immediately regretted asking that.

 

"Because you like him!~" The younger boy sang, earning himself a pillow to the head.

 

"Hey!"

 

"I don't."

 

"You do!"

  
  
"No, I don't. Why would I even like him?"

 

"I dunno, you tell me."

 

"But I literally do not."

 

"Do too."

 

"Do not."

 

"Oh, don't tell me it's the same old case where you're in love with your best friend but still in denial. Hurry up hyung, or a girl will snatch your—"

 

"Shut up already, Kai! You don't know a _thing_!"

 

They sat in silence for a moment, Taehyun looking away in embarrassment because of his outburst. Kai didn't look that surprised, like he was expecting it.

  
  
"Except I do know," Kai said, voice a little quieter, "Remember when you had a crush on—"

  
  
"I told you we don't talk about that!"

  
  
"Let me talk! My point is, remember when he started dating someone else you acted the exact same way you're acting with Beomgyu now! You're all sweet with him and do stuff that you won't do for any of us. And then, when he starts liking someone, you get all petty and bitchy. More than usual, that is! Like today when we were all together, and when I was texting you!"

  
  
Taehyun inhaled deep, trying not to flick Huening Kai's forehead and tell him that's no way to talk to his hyung. "Remind me again why you of all people know about my crush on the last guy."

  
  
"Because you love NingNing!" Kai smiled, "And because I'm the only one in the group who knows you like boys. So you have no choice but to talk to me about it."

  
  
That little shit.

 

It's true, though. A few years ago, when Taehyun had not-so-subtle feelings for his classmate —the school's sweetheart _and_ class president, Jeongin—, he didn't plan on telling any of his friends. It was the first time in what felt like ages that someone made his heart beat that fast and the tip of his ears go red. He wanted that to be something to share only with himself; no one could know. Not even his best friends, and God help him if Jeongin himself found out. But when he let Huening Kai borrow his notebook and the kid found a lot of cheesy, embarrassing doodles that consisted of hearts with Jeongin's name in them, well, he couldn't really think of an heterosexual excuse for that one.

He'd like to clarify that he was young and kinda dumb, but he isn't that corny at all anymore, thank you very much. He wouldn't do something cheesy like writing a boy's name inside a heart on his notes nowadays.

 

He hadn't told anyone else about his preferences, choosing to avoid any awkward situation, even though at this point he was pretty sure he wasn't the only one in the quintet who wasn't completely straight.

 

Unlike Beomgyu.

 

"If it makes you feel better," Kai started again when he saw Taehyun had gone silent, "I, too, have a crush on someone who likes somebody else right now, so I'm in your same situation. You can trust me! I understand you!"

  
  
He didn't seem affected by what he was saying, instead he looked almost happy of being in the same situation as Taehyun. Kai was like that, when something bad happened he always remained his childish, smiley self. Taehyun wondered how he did it.

  
  
"... Is it Soobin-hyung?" He dared to ask. Kai laughed a bit, voice growing quieter.

 

"Ah, guess I'm that obvious. But so are you! You should talk to someone about it before you explode or something."

  
  
Taehyun briefly considered telling Kai to follow his own advice.

  
  
"I'll... I'll think about it— Just— Back to the game." He sighed. He would normally argue until it got to Huening Kai's head that _no, he absolutely did not like Beomgyu in a romantic way, not even a little bit_ , but he was just too tired to deal with his own messy feelings right now.

 

He didn't like lying to his friends anyways.

  
  
Kai thankfully seemed to get the hint, since the subject was dropped for the rest of the day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 _ **me**_  
**22:46**  
  
he doesnt even like boys

  
_**problem child (kai)**_  
**22:48**  
  
good night to u 2 hyung  
im literally in the guests room y dont u come here

 

 _**me** _ **  
** **22:48**

you rly think i have the Energy to get up

  
  
_**problem child kai  
** _ **22:49**

points were made  
so. how do u kno hes str8  
did he tell u

 _ **me**_  
**22:49**  
  
no but cmon  
he only dates girls  
he didnt even text me back

 _ **problem child (kai)**_  
**22:50**  
  
wow u realize ur in love and ur suddenly more dramatic than a girl

 _ **me**_  
**22:50**  
  
literally who says im in love shut the fuck up

 _ **problem child (kai)**_  
**22:51**  
  
ok damn  
ill tell yeonjun hyung u cussed!!!

 _ **me**_  
**22:52**  
  
no you wont  
anyway  
do u wanna talk about ur.. issue  
before u explode or sumn like u said to me today

 _ **problem child (kai)**_  
**22:55**  
  
hahah no im good dont worry

 _ **me**_  
**22:55**  
  
you sure? im okay with it

 _ **problem child (kai)**_  
**22:56**  
  
yes its ok <3 thank u anyway

 _ **me**_  
**22: 56**  
  
ok. im here if you change ur mind  
good night x

 

 

 

Taehyun went to sleep before Beomgyu sent his daily _see you tomorrow at school_ message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i rly wanted to keep this story as short and sweet as possible but im having too much fun with pining taehyun oops,, also i rly dont wanna rush things 
> 
> but yall can let me kno what u think if u want.... pls u_u


	3. what a mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can he stop lying to Beomgyu's face for one minute?
> 
> What a mess. He just wanted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's short, sorry! but wanted to post it since i'll be a bit busy these days!

Taehyun sighed as he heard the bell. Finally, the torture was over. You could hear students collectively sigh in relief as they got up to leave the classroom, and people from different years entered it to talk to their friends. Taehyun took out his phone to open twitter —Yeonjun had forced him to download the app and now he couldn't stop using it— when he heard Beomgyu's voice come from behind him.

 

"Taehyunie! How do you think you did? I'm a bit worried about the last part of the exam, I don't remember reading that part of the text book..."

 

"Maybe you'd remember if you had stayed home studying instead of taking me out to the arcade," He half-jokes, because Taehyun would've chosen to go anywhere Beomgyu wanted a million times before staying inside his room studying anyways. But Beomgyu doesn't need to know that.

 

"Taking you out," the older laughed, "That sounds like we went on a date. An arcade date, how romantic is that?"

 

Taehyun's phone fell from his hands.

 

"Oh, shit," Beomgyu said and immediately smiled sheepishly before covering his mouth. "Is it cracked?"

 

 _Don't blush, don't blush, don't blush_ , Taehyun repeated to himself like a mantra as he reached to grab his phone from the floor, not even bothering to check if the screen was okay. _He's joking. He always jokes around like this. You're used to this. Don't blush, you stupid fuck!_

 

"... I'm happy with my exam. I—I think I did well."

 

"Ah, when will I ever," he laughed, "Oh, right! Taehyunie! I need to tell you about yesterday!"

 

Taehyun took a deep breath. Here we go again. He's too tired to deal with his, both physically and mentally due to this exam, not sleeping well, Kai insisting that they talk about their problems and basically drilling his head, and... some other stuff. That has nothing to do with Beomgyu and his soon-to-be-girlfriend and the awful feeling that appears in his chest and tummy when he thinks about that.

 

Okay, maybe a little.

 

"I need to use the bathroom," he said, as he got up in a milisecond and quickly walked out out of the classroom without waiting for Beomgyu to reply. 

 

As he walked into the —apparently empty, thank God— boys bathroom, he mentally tried to prepare himself for what Beomgyu could tell him. He stared at himself in the mirror, a sad excuse of determination in his eyes. Fuck his jealo—his awful bellyache, fuck his hyper-awareness of his own feelings since Kai brought them up. He was doing just great before that and he'll go back to that. Beomgyu had a great time with the girl—Lia, yesterday? That's great. He really likes her? How lovely, Taehyun will put on his best smile and tell him he's happy for him. He wants to ask her to be his girlfriend? He kissed her? He had his first kiss with Lia? Good. He can handle that.

 

He can, he can, _I can do it_. Nothing to worry ab—

 

"Ah—Wait, stop, somebody might come in," he heard someone whisper-yell from one of the cublicles, and his blood ran cold. Apparently the restroom wasn't as empty as he thought.

 

He felt his face heat up. Did he just... interrupt something?

 

A second later, he realized he knew that voice, and swallowed hard. "Soobin-hyung?"

 

It was completely silent for a couple of seconds before he saw Soobin, hair a mess and face pink, come out of the cubicle, trying to open the door as little as possible so that Taehyun wouldn't see what (or who) was inside and closing it at the speed of light.

 

"Oh, hi there Taehyun-ah," He cleared his throat, "how long have you been here?"

 

"Uh... I dunno, a couple minutes... did I interr—"

 

"No, not at all! I just needed to come to the bathroom!"

 

"Okay... I'll, uh, head out—"

 

"Y—Yeah, you go, I'll be out in a second!"

 

Taehyun pretended he didn't look down and see another boy's feet inside the same cubicle Soobin barged out of.

 

Kai was already in his classrom talking with Beomgyu excitedly when he returned. He just walked up to them, ruffled Kai's hair and sat down next to him. "Hey there."

 

"Uh, hi?" the youngest of the three raised a brow and then gasped when Taehyun put his arm on Kai's shoulders in a protective way, "woke up feeling clingy today? What's going on?"

 

"Uh, something like that," he tried to laugh. He was silently debating whether to tell the kid what he saw in the bathroom, but he felt awful just imagining how Kai would react to that. Sure, he always keeps that happy façade on no matter what happens, but he has feelings too. There most likely were a lot of ocassions where the poor boy was feeling like hell and he didn't notice, because of this. He felt a little guilty for focusing too much on his own feelings and forgetting about Kai's; after all, the baby of the group had been nothing but a great friend to him, as annoying as he can get. He thought to himself that from now on, he's going to be a better hyung for him. He didn't feel right just hiding this from him either, though. What are you supposed to do in situations like this?

 

For now, he'd just let himself be nice to his dongsaeng in an attempt to make him feel better for what's he's probably going to find out later.

 

Yeonjun barged into the classroom all of a sudden, startling a lot of students while running up to the trio. Taehyun noticed his hyung was looking out of breath, like he had been running.

 

"Hello!" he tried to fix his hair, bright smile on, "I got here like a minute before the bell rings, oh well. Better late than never."

 

"Hyung!" Beomgyu piped up, eyes shiny and smile as pretty as ever, "You won't guess what happened yesterday on our date with Lia!"

 

Taehyun felt Kai move closer to him. Where was Soobin? Didn't he say he was going to be there in a second?

 

Yeonjun all but  _squealed_ at the same time the bell rang. 

 

"God, not now!", he pouted and started making his way out of the classroom, simultaneously looking back at them and shouting, "text me all the details, Beomgyu-ah!"

 

"I will, be careful!" the blonde laughed with Kai when Yeonjun tripped on a chair.

 

"Welp, gotta go too," Kai gave Taehyun a quick hug, probably trying to comfort him in some way, before Taehyun ruffled his hair and smiled a little bit. "See you, hyungs!"

 

"Uh, bye," Beomgyu said, looking at Taehyun with curiosity. "Have you and Kai always been this lovey-dovey?"

 

"Lovey— What are you saying?" 

 

"Hey, don't tell me you aren't! Is Kai perhaps that secret crush you don't wanna tell me about? Eh?" Beomgyu laughed and elbowed him, but his expression quickly changed into one of concern, "Taehyunie? You okay?"

 

"Uh..."

 

"You're pale as a sheet!"

 

"I'm— fine." Hold on just a second. Did Beomgyu know he liked boys? Had he known all this time? No, that couldn't be. There's literally no way he found that out. Not even two days ago Beomgyu had said he thought Taehyun was asexual, so he _couldn't_ know, right? Right? He was probably joking around. Yes, that's it, he's joking, as he always does. God, Taehyun wanted to punch some sense into himself— he was proving Kai's point of him being a dramatic bitch to be true. "Just, uh. Just remembered I put a wrong answer somewhere in the test."

 

Can he stop lying to Beomgyu's face for  _one_ minute?

 

"Dude, stop worrying about it, you'll probably get a 99 out of 100! You'll see!" He smiled at Taehyun to reassure him but he just felt worse.

 

Too many things had happened in the ten minutes the break lasted, and he still had to decide if he should tell Huening Kai about Soobin having... some kind of romance or affair (ew) with someone. A boy, on top of it all. He didn't know if it was the right thing to do, since he found out on accident and it was clear as day thaat Soobin didn't want anyone to know about this. Yet, at least.

 

What a mess. He just wanted to sleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think you all can realize i LIVE for secret pining/secret crush fics  
> btw, even tho i dont reply (bc im shy skdjs) i read the nice comments u leave and they make my day so rly thank u for taking the time to tell me what u think :( ♥
> 
> pining kai coming soon !


	4. kai sweetie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "My little Taehyunnie..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is completely self indulgent.... fluff fluff fluff
> 
> also, i decided to leave pining kai for next chap so... stay tuned? ajskssk ningning baby ... im so sorry

Taehyun felt Beomgyu tap his shoulder as the teacher entered the classroom, waiting for him to turn around.

 

"Wanna stay the night at my house today or do I stay at yours?"

 

"Sure, I'll stay," the younger replied before being shushed by the teacher.

 

You see, it was common for them to stay at either Beomgyu's or Taehyun's house after school to do homework, do whatever they wanna do, stay the night and go to school together the next day. After all, they've been friends since they were little kids; both of their families knew and loved each other, they were that close.

 

Taehyun wasn't sure if that made his... _situation_ better or worse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

🌹

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Boys," Mrs. Choi yells from the kitchen, "will you please go to the store down the street and bring some rice for me? I forgot to buy it earlier today."

 

"Sure, mom," Beomgyu yells back, standing up from the sofa and Taehyun turns off the tv.

 

"Thank you, babies. Take money from my wallet, it's on the table! Buy something for yourselves too!"

 

Beomgyu took the money and waited for Taehyun to get up before yelling a "Be right back!" to his mom.

 

"Take the umbrella, it's really cloudy!", she said, but they were already out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
"Shit," Taehyun voiced looking outside, bag with rice and a few chocolates in hand, and Beomgyu flicked his head making him flinch.

 

"Language!"

  
"Look, it's raining."

  
"Oh, yeah," he noticed, looking outside. They were standing at the entry of the store. "It wasn't raining just a minute ago," he whined, "I didn't bring an umbrella. We have to wait until it stops."

 

"As if. I'm hungry, we're going now. We just have to run."

 

"I'm only wearing a shirt, I didn't bring any jacket! I'm gonna catch a cold and my mom's gonna kill me."

  
Taehyun hesitated for a second before leaving the things in the floor, taking off his hoodie and handing it to the older.

 

"Here. You won't catch a cold."

  
"Are you silly? _You're_ going to catch a cold, it's worse!"

  
"My immune system is stronger than yours, I won't!" Taehyun assured him, ignoring his _how do you even know that?_ "Just put it on and let's run to your house before it starts raining harder, I'm hungry."

 

"I'm supposed to take care of you, I'm the hyung," Beomgyu complained as he put on the hoodie and Taehyun picked up their stuff from the floor.

 

"Yeah, yeah, let's..."

 

Okay, _okay_ , maybe Taehyun hadn't thought this through, he realized when he looked at his best friend. It wasn't anything special, just Beomgyu looking extra soft and pouty while wearing Taehyun's hoodie, that was so big it made him look tiny (even though he's taller than the brunette), but it made Taehyun unable to stop looking at him.

 

"Ooh, this smells so nice," he closed his eyes smelling the younger's hoodie.

 

Taehyun coughed and looked everywhere but his friend, face red, when he felt a sudden urge to kiss him silly.

 

"L—Let's—"

 

"Weren't you in a rush just now? Come on!" Beomgyu looked at him and grabbed his free hand. Taehyun let out an embarrassing gasp but before he could say something the blonde started running down the street, dragging Taehyun with him.

 

Beomgyu started laughing like a little child having the best time of his life as he ran and Taehyun found himself unable to stop smiling, hearing his hyung laugh so carelessly and still not letting go of his hand.

 

 

Indeed, Beomgyu's mom scolded them for not taking the umbrella with them and now they were completely soaked, but it didn't matter at all to Taehyun because Beomgyu had the biggest smile on his face.

  
Taehyun was still smiling when he took a shower, when they had dinner and when they went to Beomgyu's room.

  
They had thrown a mattress on the floor with a nice pillow and a warm blanket, where Taehyun was laying right next to Beomgyu's bed. It was incredibly dark outside apart from the street lights, every hour raining harder and the thunder and lightning at this point seemed neverending, which really wasn't helping Taehyun who just wanted to sleep.

  
His mind was crowded, but in a good way. Beomgyu had wore his hoodie, said it smelled nice (which meant Taehyun smelled nice! Right?), they ran while holding hands like there was nothing in the world worth worrying about... and Beomgyu hadn't mentioned we-know-who the whole day. That was just the cherry on top of the cake.

  
Taehyun sighed, feeling calm even though the tiniest bit annoyed at the noise outside the window and inside his head that didn't let him rest. Besides the sound of rain, he just couldn't stop thinking about just how _kissable_ Beomgyu looked earlier, all soft and pouty. It just did something to his heart he wasn't used to yet. He couldn't get the boy next to him out of his mind.

  
"Beom," he called without stopping for a second to think, and immediately hoped the older was asleep and hadn't heard him.

  
"Hmm? Yeah?" he heard his hoarse voice. Looks like he's out of luck already.

  
He felt a little bit of adrenaline run through his veins as he said what he popped up in his mind carelessly, even though he blushed profusely and regretted it right after.

  
"Can I come up there with you?"

  
Silence.

  
"You scared of the storm?" Beomgyu murmured sleepily.

  
"O—Oh, yeah I— a bit, I guess, yeah."

  
"Come," Beomgyu made space for Taehyun as the younger stood up.

 

He laid down next to his hyung and covered himself with the blankets, hearing his own crazy heartbeat in his ears. He turned so he was on his side just looking at his hyung's peaceful expression (he could see him a bit since the street lights came through the window), wondering if he'd have the voice to ask Beomgyu to cuddle without making it weird and praying Beomgyu didn't notice the internal crisis he was currently going through.

 

"It's okay, I'm here," Beomgyu said, voice still hoarse with sleep, as he threw an arm over Taehyun, who tensed up and at this point was convinced that his heart would give up any minute. They were face to face now, oh God. "I'll protect you, like a good hyung."

  
Beomgyu was trying to comfort Taehyun as much as possible while being patient and gentle, even though he probably just wants to go the fuck to sleep. Taehyun might just melt into a puddle.

  
"I'm not a little kid anymore," he managed to  
murmure.

  
"Don't pretend, I know you like being babied," he said, amusement making its way into Beomgyu's voice, "and that you're a cuddler."

  
"'M not—"

  
"Yes you are, can't fool me anymore."

  
They heard the storm get worse outside and Taehyun used this as an excuse to get only a bit closer, without saying anything and still scared to cross any line and make everything awkward.

  
"C'mere, silly," Beomgyu wiggled closer and was now practically hugging the younger. "You don't have to be embarrassed about being scared. It's just me."

  
"Yeah," Taehyun whispered, trying his best to relax as he worked the courage to rest his head on Beomgyu's chest, "It's just you."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A particularly loud thunder made Taehyun flinch and wake up, yawning right after and noticing that the room was a lot more illuminated now, which meant it was already morning, but still too early to get up, since the alarm apparently hadn't gone off yet. He turned around on the bed and gasped when he saw Beomgyu's sleeping face right in front of his own.

  
The older opened his eyes only a little, Taehyun wondering how he woke up because of the little gasp and not because of the noise outside.

  
"Hey," he whispered, "It's early, go back to sleep."

  
"Adorable," Beomgyu smiled tiredly and lifted an arm up to play with Taehyun's disastrous morning hair, " 'S a mess."

 

Taehyun remained silent. He never did well with pretty boys —specially Beomgyu— calling him cute.

 

"All cute and tiny," Beomgyu slurred, dropping his arm and closing his eyes as he snuggled Taehyun who was about to pass out, "my little Taehyunnie..." he started softly snoring right after saying this.

  
_What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck._

  
Taehyun didn't get a blink of sleep for the rest of the day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

🌹

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I'm bored," Huening Kai complained, earning a nod from Beomgyu who was sitting next to him. Taehyun just yawned. "Where are they? I'm going home if they don't appear in the next two minutes."

  
The school hours ended and they could go home if they wanted, but Kai insisted they stayed after classes to keep their hyungs company as they studied. The three of them weren't that familiar with the school library since they didn't need to use it much, the people in last year being the ones who needed to go there to grab books and study the most. So when Yeonjun and Soobin had told them that they couldn't meet up at the cafe with them later since they had to stay after school to study at the unnecessarily huge library, Kai insisted to Beomgyu and Taehyun that they stay with their hyungs for "moral support".

  
Taehyun supposed it was just an excuse to stare at Soobin as he concentrated, but he didn't say anything.

  
"Look, while we wait I'm gonna go look for a physics text book and see if I can make use of it, because I didn't understand a single thing in Mr. Jung's class," Taehyun stood up, "You go to the cafeteria and buy something to eat or whatever so you stay entertained. You made us stay here after class so now we're staying."

  
"Yes, dad," Kai giggled and stood up too, signaling Beomgyu to go with him.

  
"Okay. Physics." Taehyun whispered to himself as he accepted the fact that he was probably gonna get lost in between so many book shelves. Was it really necessary they made the library so big? Only the damn last years were the ones who used it regularly, not like the whole school spent their days there.

  
After ten whole minutes of walking and now completely lost, he found something he thought he could use even though the book he grabbed seemed a littke too thick advanced for him. He decided he'd give it a try anyways and he turned around, hoping he had enough patience now to find his way back to the tables.

 

He didn't make it two steps until he dropped the thick-as-hell book to the floor and sucked in a shocked breath.

  
"Oh."

  
There, at the part of the library where the too-difficult-to-read-unless-you're-a-smartass books were and no one went to, was Soobin with his back against a book shelf, kissing a guy. Not just a random guy from school, no, he was being kissed by Yeonjun. As soon as they heard the impact, they separated as if the other's skin burned. The three of them looked at each other and Taehyun heard his mother's voice in his head telling him to close his damn mouth before a bug gets inside it.

  
He turned, physics book long forgotten on the floor, running back to the tables, ignoring the two hyungs that were calling his name.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn get it yeonbin


	5. not his fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Every time I talk about me and Lia you get mad, you think I don't notice?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so .... im SORRY

"Woah, you okay Hyunnie? You look all shaken up."

 

  
"Yeah," he pants, "I'm f—fine."

 

  
"Did you run here?" Kai sips on the coffee he just bought.

 

  
"Uh..."

 

  
"Didn't you say you were going for a physics book? Did you find it?"

 

  
"Taehyun!" they head Yeonjun yell, as he and Soobin appeared and everyone turned around. The oldest went a bit pink in embarrassment as most of the students in the library shushed him.

 

  
"Hi, hyungs!" Kai's face light up and Taehyun tried his best to erase from his mind the image of Soobin and Yeonjun kissing. He really, really didn't wanna hide that from his dongsaeng, but he also knew he was in no place to talk about it when it was their secret. They weren't even out of the closet separately, Taehyun couldn't do that to them. Kai apparently knows that Soobin likes someone else anyways.

 

"... Are you all okay? Why were you running?"

 

"Uh..."

 

"Taehyun, you forgot your physics book back there!" Soobin spoke up, voice high-pitched, holding the thick book Taehyun had dropped in shock.

 

"Ah, yeah, thanks—"

 

"Well, let's sit!" Yeonjun smiled, tight and nervous, and Taehyun whispered a quiet _chill_ when he walked past him to get to the empty table.

 

"So... What are you guys doing here?" Soobin asked, flattening his hair with his hands.

 

"You said you had to stay here and study, so we wanted to stay too and keep you company!"

 

  
"Hyuka, don't lie. _You_ insisted and made us stay to keep them company!" Beomgyu smiled and scrunched his nose.

 

  
"Aw, baby!" Yeonjun lifted up his arm and ruffled the youngest's hair from where he was sitting in front of him, as Kai blushed and laughed shyly at being exposed.

 

  
"Just wanted to keep the hyungs company!" Kai smiled and turned a bit to start rubbing Soobin's tummy, who was sitting by him.

 

  
"Ah, really!" Soobin laughed and patted Kai's hand.

  
Taehyun silently observed Kai's doll-like face go redder and Yeonjun looking at them with a fond smile. He sighed, trying to concentrate on his book and forget the last five minutes of his life.

  
They spent the next few hours like that, sitting in that library and talking lowly, so they don't get yelled at, Kai always rubbing Soobin's belly ("for moral support," he said) his coffee now cold and forgotten on the table. When they decided to leave Kai was resting his head on Soobin's shoulder, eyes closed.

 

"Hey, Ning," Soobin whispered, gently trying to move him, "we gotta go."

  
"Carry me," Kai replied, pouting and with his sleepy voice on. " 'M tired."

  
"Really now, you're heavy!"

  
"And sleepy. And you're strong."

 

Soobin sighed and pretended he was annoyed but Taehyun could see the fondness in his eyes. He thought it was cute how the hyungs loved the baby of the group so much.

 

  
Soobin crouched down and Kai got on his back. When he made eye contact with Taehyun, the latter realized that Kai looked very much awake.

 

That little shit just wanted Soobin to carry him, of course. How did he not notice? Taehyun smiled and they stuck their tongues out at each other playfully.

 

He felt good. Maybe it was a good day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
He spoke too soon.

 

They went back to the lockers to get their stuff and when Beomgyu opened his, a little white and pink envelop with little red heart-shaped doodles on it fell to the floor. He picked it up curiously and Yeonjun started whistling.

 

"You got a confession there or what? Open it, open it!"

 

"Hold on!" The blonde laughed as he took the letter out and started reading it. Taehyun just stared at his feet even though he could feel someone'a gaze on him. Probably Kai's.

 

  
"It kinda is a confession, but... She didn't say who she is?"

 

  
"Ooh, she wants to see you tomorrow at the library!" Yeonjun laughed, reading the letter too.

 

"Ah, I'll have to reject her, whoever she is," he said and Taehyun looked at him. "Because of, you know, Lia."

  
Of course he knows.

  
"Guys, did I forget to tell you?" Beomgyu suddenly lights up, "I asked her to be my girlfriend!"

  
"What?! For real?" the oldest hyung looked like he just on the lottery. Everyone started yelling and whistling, congratulating the boy as he laughed happily, Yeonjun even lifted him up in a hug.

  
Kai had already been put on the floor and was also congratulating Beomgyu when he saw Taehyun just standing there, without reacting, just looking at them. Kai went to him and whispered, "let's go to the bathroom," as Taehyun unconsciously grabbed the youngest's arm and let himself be guided to the boys bathroom. Taehyun didn't know if he should feel relieved or cry when the others (Beomgyu) didn't even notice he left.

 

  
"You okay?" Kai asked cautiously, now inside the empty restroom.

 

  
"... Yeah," Taehyun forced out, "yeah, yeah. It's not like I didn't know this was gonna happen, I mean, they've been dancing around each other for weeks now, right?" he laughed as if he couldn't wrap his head around it. "I just... thought it wouldn't affect me this much. It's fine. I'm fine."

 

  
"Hyung..."

 

  
"Really, Ning!" He swallowed and took a deep breath, "Let's go back outside."

 

"Wait, give yourself a second, at least wash your face."

 

"No need! I told you I'm perfect so let's jus—"

 

"Hyung, you're about to have a crisis or something. Please stay here for a bit."

  
Taehyun bit his lip and didn't speak for a minute.

  
"I'm supposed to take care of you, not the other way around," he joked, remembering how Beomgyu said the same to him just a day ago and smiled a bit.

 

  
"Hyuka's the hyung today!" He laughed and hugged Taehyun, and the older wondered what he did to deserve a friend like Huening Kai.

 

  
He ignored his phone vibrating in his pocket, probably it being the hyungs asking where he disappeared to. It's fine. He'll come out of there, smile and say he was happy for Beomgyu and Lia, he should be used to it by now. He got this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

🌹

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Taehyun yawned, sprawled on the mattress by Beomgyu's bed, where the latter was sitting.

 

"Hyunie, I didn't get to tell you how I asked her! I told Soobin-hyung and Yeonjun-hyung, but you and Kai suddenly disappeared from there..."

 

  
"Yeah, told you guys we had to go to the restroom," Taehyun said looking at his phone, absolutely not interested at all in knowing how his best friend got a girlfriend. He had been changing the topic and trying to get Beomgyu to forget to tell him, or something, but with no avail.

  
Taehyun frowned when he saw a message pop up on his screen. "Hold on a sec."

  
**_parental figure_**  
**20:22**  
hey taehyunie

  
_**me**_  
**20:23**  
hi yeonjun hyung  
is everything ok you never text me at this hour

  
_**parental figure**_  
**20:23**  
yes im ok, u?

  
_**me**_  
**20:23**  
uh me too

  
_**parental figure**_  
**20:24**  
im glad im glad  
um so  
i wanted 2 talk to u abt sumn

  
_**me**_  
**20:24**  
dw im not gonna say anything

  
_**parental figure**_  
**20:24**  
so about what u saw today  
wait what

  
_**me**_  
**20:25**  
sjsjsjs i knew you wanted to talk about that  
im not saying anything so dw  
its not my place to do that

  
_**parental figure**_  
**20:25**  
really?  
wtf ur an angel

 _ **me**_  
**20:25**  
i kno i kno  
but yeah u can relax  
anything else hyung?

 _ **parental figure**_  
**20:26**  
yeah  
well i just  
i want u 2 kno its not like we want 2 hide this from u guys  
we r just not ready yet, u kno

  
_**me**_  
**20:28**  
believe me i understand

 _ **parental figure**_  
**20:28**  
... wdym

 _ **me**_  
**20:29**  
i mean i get u must be scared or sumn

 _ **parental figure**_  
**20:29**  
hmm

 _ **me**_  
**20:30**  
what?

 _ **parental figure**_  
**20:30**  
oh nothing  
thx for understanding taehyunie  
hyungies always here if u need to talk about anything !!

 _ **me**_  
**20:32**  
yea thanks hyung  
night

 

 

"Okay, I'm back." Taehyun turned off his phone to look up at Beomgyu who was still sitting on the bed, now typing something on his phone. "Hey, about today..."

 

"Hmm?"

 

"What are you gonna say to the library girl who wants to confess?" Taehyun played with the sleeves of his sweater.

 

  
"Oh, nothing," Beomgyu smiled a bit at his phone. He was probably texting Lia. "I don't think I'm even going to meet her. Got a girlfriend, remember?"

 

  
"And you're gonna leave the poor girl waiting? Is that what you do with the people who aren't your girlfriend?"

 

  
"What?" the blonde looked at Taehyun who immediately looked away.

 

  
"I'm just... I'm just saying. Confessing takes _a lot_ of courage, and you're just gonna leave her waiting?"

 

  
"What, you want me to go and date her?"

 

  
"I don't want you to date her! I'm just saying at least she deserves a proper rejection, not to be left waiting for you! At least she has the guts to go and confess and you don't have the balls to go and answer!"

 

  
Beomgyu was looking at him with his mouth opening and closing like a fish. He's never seen Taehyun raise his voice like that.

 

  
"What... What's gotten into you? Why are you so heated about it? Do you know the girl or something?"

 

  
"... I don't. This isn't about me."

 

  
"No, no, listen, what's your problem?" He paused and Taehyun didn't say anything, didn't even look at him. "I don't understand you. You get all pissy all of a sudden and every time anyone talks about dates or anything of that matter!"

 

  
"I don't know what you're talking about."

 

  
"You do! You think I don't notice? You've never raised your voice at anyone and now you're suddenly yelling at me and treating me like shit!"

 

There was no response from Taehyun.

 

"Ah, I know what's your problem. Every time I talk about me and Lia you get mad, and I didn't want to say anything, but guess what? You can't take your problem out on me!"

 

  
"W—What are you even trying to say—"

 

  
"That it isn't my damn fault that whoever the hell your crush is doesn't like you!"

 

  
Silence.

 

  
"Okay," Taehyun said, voice weak, as he grabbed the blanket and pillow, "yeah, okay."

 

  
"Where are you going?"

 

  
"To the sofa. I won't bother you any more. Good night."

  
Taehyun will never tell a soul that he was disappointed when Beomgyu didn't say anything to make him stay. He won't even think again about how much he cried that night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so is taehyun right or is beomgyu right  
> (i wanna say thank u again to the people who leave nice comments, u motivate me to write! 💘)
> 
> btw, im trolasoobin on twitter come be my friend or insult me both are okay


	6. in too deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai blinked. "And how do you know Soobin isn't straight?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi 💘 i think this is a bit short but i'll be very very busy this week, so i wanted to post a chap before disappearing u_u enjoy it!

"Good morning, mrs. Choi. Is Beomgyu here?" Taehyun stood in between the kitchen and the living room where he slept, looking at Beomgyu's mom who was having breakfast. When they were little kids and they fought while being in the same house, Beomgyu had the tendency to go out and walk, have breakfast in the backyard or go to school early as hell so he wouldn't have to see Taehyun's face. They haven't fought in a while though, so Taehyun isn't sure if he still does that.

 

  
He sat down on the table where he noticed Beomgyu's mom had prepared them both breakfast. He murmured a polite  _thanks_ and started eating.

 

  
"Morning, darling! I haven't waken him up yet," she paused and drank some juice, "But I see you're up early."

 

There was silence for a few seconds and he saw her hesitating until she spoke again.

 

"Are you two fighting? I saw you sleeping out there, Taehyun-ah."

  
"Uh, well..."

 

  
"Mornin'," Beomgyu's hoarse voice was heard as he entered the kitchen. He and Taehyun looked at each other for a second, before Beomgyu looked away and went straight to the fridge to get some milk. Taehyun, on the contrary, kept his eyes glued to the older. He looked so cute with that messy hair...

 

No. No, he's supposed to be angry.

 

"Oh morning, love. I made you two breakfast."

 

  
"... Thanks, mom," he said after a pause, "But I'm not hungry."

 

  
"Okay," she sighed, "But buy yourself something to eat at school, you need to feed yourself."

 

  
"Will do," he promised and left to his room again. Taehyun sighed and ate in silence, pretending he didn't feel Mrs. Choi's gaze on him.

 

Beomgyu clearly wasn't interested at all in seeing him at the moment, so fifteen minutes later Taehyun had his uniform on and was walking out the door, way earlier than he's supposed to, so that Beomgyu can be in peace in his own house without Taehyun's presence there bothering him.

 

He walked to school slowly and looking down, doing his best to ignore his upset heart. He's just being dramatic, he tells himself. It will pass. They've fought before, Beomgyu can't stay mad at him for long... right? Taehyun, on his part, absolutely can't stay angry at the older for long; he's just unable to. How could he stay angry when Beomgyu looks at him with that annoyed pout and dark eyes that try to appear intimidating even though Taehyun knows the immense love and kindness they hold?

 

  
Stupid, stupid Beomgyu.

 

  
He kept walking, trying to stop thinking before he goes insane, but he couldn't.

 

  
It's getting out of hand, he knows it, to the point where he feels too much because of the dumbest things. He's already in too deep and doesn't even know how it happened. It wasn't just a temporary crush anymore, an unfortunate confusion, no. His feelings kept growing and growing without him noticing, and now he feels like his heart became huge and heavy in his chest. He might explode. It's exhausting.

 

  
It's almost so suffocating that he entertains the idea of maybe letting Beomgyu know. He'll get rejected, sure, but at least he'd be relieved of the annoying secret's weight on him, right? At least that's what they say on movies and fanfictions and all of that. He could go and tell him, and then try to go on with his life, knowing his heterosexual best friend knows he's gay and that he's in l— that he likes him, until time washes the shame away.

 

  
Except he can't. God help him if Beomgyu ever finds out about this mess.

 

  
And Taehyun, being the dramatic bitch that he's become, starts imagining different catastrophic ways in which Beomgyu would reject him. Maybe he'd laugh at Taehyun's face until he's on the floor. Maybe he'd be scandalized and tell everyone they know. Maybe he would be disgusted and he'd never talk to Taehyun again.

 

  
_Shit, what **if** he never talks to me again?_

 

  
And with that, he realized he was standing outside of school, at least fifteen minutes before they open the doors. A long day awaited him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 _ **problem child kai**_  
**8:01**  
yoo  
come see me at the library on break pls

  
_**me**_  
**8:03**  
why dont you come here as always

  
_**problem child**_  
**8:04**  
i always do that now U come see me

 _ **me**_  
**8:05**  
ok ok

 

  
Taehyun put his phone in his bag and noticed that Beomgyu wasn't in the classroom even though it was already late. That's weird, his mom doesn't let him stay home unless he's sick, and he didn't seem sick that morning. Was he? Should Taehyun drop by again after school to check on him?

 

No, no, Beomgyu was mad at him, he probably didn't wanna see him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As soon as break started, Taehyun got up and went to the library. When he was about to walk in, looking at his phone to text Kai, he bumped into someone.

 

"Oh, I'm s—" Oh.

 

"It's okay," Beomgyu murmured and walked past, without even looking at him.

 

  
Well, what a great day, isn't it.

 

  
"Hey," he sighed as he sat down in front of Kai.

 

"You look like hell," Kai observed.

 

"Wow, thanks, that's what I need to hear always first thing in the morning."

 

"I'm sorry!" Kai laughed a bit and rested his face on his hands. "But you do look like hell. Have you seen the dark circles under your eyes? Did you even get a minute of sleep?"

 

"Two and a half."

 

Kai suddenly looked a bit more serious.

 

"Is everything okay? I saw you bump into Beomie-hyung, you guys didn't even say hi to each other."

 

"Nosy, aren't you," Taehyun almost threw himself over the table, wanting to fall asleep right there and then and wake up in a year. "We kind of... fought last night."

 

As Kai asked for "juicy details," Taehyun told him what happened, how he went to sleep to the living room and all. Of course, he skipped the part where he cried.

 

  
"Wow, you really are like a jealous wife."

 

"Shut _up_ ," Taehyun blushed, "I just think it's unfair that someone has the balls to confess and he can't even give a proper answer."

 

"Well, you're right, but it's also that it felt personal to you, didn't it? It surely hit close to home," Taehyun didn't respond, only looked at his nails as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. "And then he said he noticed you being annoyed with his relationship and you got defensive. And then chaos."

 

"No chaos at all. Just a little fight."

 

"Right. Well, that being said, I've been sitting here for the whole period—"

 

"You're so irresponsible! You have to go to your classes!"

 

"It was just for today, I didn't want to sit through math!" Kai whined.

 

"Yeah, I'm sure it's just that and doesn't have anything to do with Soobin studying, sitting a few tables from here?" Taehyun enjoyed seeing Kai's mouth open to try and deny it, but instead shutting it and going red in the face.

 

"As I was saying! Beomgyu was also here the first period. I guess you figured that out since you saw him. Thing is, he was talking to a girl."

 

"... Oh?"

 

"Yeah, they were talking over there and she seemed nervous, then sad. Then Beomgyu apologized and walked out, so I think he did follow what you said and came here to talk to _letter girl_."

 

"... You spied them?"

 

"I just have good hearing, okay!"

 

"Oh, my God."

 

"Anyways," Kai smiled, "look at him doing what you say even when he's mad, how cute! I say you go and confess."

 

"Are you nuts? Where did that even come from? _You_ go and confess to your charming prince, I'm good!"

 

"That—My case is different!"

 

"Yeah, cause—" Taehyun leaned over and whispered the name, just in case, "Beomgyu is straight!"

 

Kai blinked. "And Soobin isn't?"

 

"What? I—I never said that."

 

"You literally just did."

 

 

"No— I don't know if he's straight," he bit his lip. He hated lying to Kai, but he wasn't about to out Soobin. "But I'm just sure Beomgyu is. There's no case."

 

"Are we discussing people's sexualities in here?" They both turned around, startled, seeing a curious Yeonjun standing by the table.

 

A few seconds of silence passed, Taehyun trying to formulate any excuse, lie, anything, but nothing came out.

 

"Y—Yeah!" Kai suddenly said and Taehyun looked at him, alarmed, "One of Taehyun's classmates told him he w—wants to confess to Beomgyu, because, you know, Tae is his best friend and the guy needed advice, and he didn't, uh, didn't know what to say to the guy, you know? 'Cause we know Beomgyu likes girls and, uh, yeah."

 

"... Really now?" Yeonjun sat down, looking at Taehyun who frantically nodded. "Wow, a boy wants to confess to Beomie! That's a new one. Poor little thing, with Beomie having a girlfriend and all."

 

  
"Yeah," Taehyun cleared his throat, "poor guy."

 

  
"I still think the guy should be brave and talk about his feelings, don't you think?" Yeonjun said, eyes glued to Taehyun who was starting to sweat, "just so he feels better."

 

Shit, how much did Yeonjun hear?

 

"Yeah, totally agree." Kai said.

 

Taehyun stood up, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible.

 

"Yeah, anyways, the bell's about to ring, so I'll, uh, yeah, bye."

 

 

  
He felt like he could explode as he walked out of the library. He almost wanted to escape school go home, hug _Cuddles_ , the stuffed animal Beomgyu got him that one time, and sleep.

 

He sat down. This time, Beomgyu was in the classroom, sitting behind him like he always is. Taehyun died to turn around and talk to him, but was terrified of bothering the older, so he didn't. He didn't ask him if he wanted to stay the night at Taehyun's house, how was his day, anything. The fear of Beomgyu still being angry and feeling annoyed by Taehyun's voice was too big, so he planned to go home alone that day and not answer when his parents ask him why Beomgyu isn't with him.

 

He did his best to pay attention to the class, he really did, but he just couldn't do anything but squirm in his seat when he felt Beomgyu's gaze on him the whole hour.

 

When he thought he was about to forget about Beomgyu sitting behind him, he felt said boy grab his shoulder gently, almost making him jump in surprise.

 

 

"Can we talk after this class?" Beomgyu looked at him, a bit shy. "Please."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for all the feedback sweethearts and i hope u have a wonderful day! 💘🌹
> 
> edit: omg 100 kudos im dbgndksldns :( 🌹💝💖🌻


	7. is this what friends do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I just wanted to talk with you. It... It always makes me feel better."
> 
> "You always make me feel better."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SIKE MY PROFESSOR DIDN'T COME TO SCHOOL TODAY SO I HAD TIME TO EDIT AND POST ENJOY

They waited until the classroom was empty, Taehyun with his tummy feeling funny because of the nervousness. He didn't really know what to say so he stayed silent, hoping Beomgyu would start whatever conversation he wanted to have.

 

"I'm sorry, Hyunie," he suddenly said, and Taehyun looked at him in confusion.

 

"Wha—  _You're_ sorry? I'm the one who yelled at you for no reason last night."

 

"Yeah, but you were right. It wasn't right to leave the girl waiting. I just... I don't know why I got so mad last night when you told me that."

 

"I thought you were still mad just now."

 

"I'm not anymore!"

 

"Okay," Taehyun laughed a little. He kind of felt like he could breathe again. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. I... don't know what got into me."

 

"It's okay, but that wasn't the only thing I wanted to talk about. You know..." Beomgyu paused and looked away, hesitating for a good five seconds. "even though last night it came out horribly, I did mean what I said about noticing you get angry every time I mention Lia."

 

"A—Ah, yeah?" He's fucked.

 

Or maybe not.

 

"Yeah, and I just wanna apologize. I got so excited because I was finally dating someone that I might have made you feel left out or ignored and I promise that wasn't my—"

 

"Wait," Taehyun almost deflated from how relieved he was, he almost thought Beomgyu had caught him. "It's okay, you don't have to—"

 

"No, really," Beomgyu took his hands and he flinched, but the older kept holding them, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't make you feel like that just because I have a girlfriend. You're my best friend after all, right?"

 

Beomgyu smiled a bit and Taehyun tried his best to return it.

 

"And... I'm very sorry for saying... You know, that, about your crush... I get it must be awful and I definitely crossed a line there, but..."

 

"It's fine," Taehyun murmured, voice so weak he doubted Beomgyu heard him.

 

"But I think I was mad and I took it out on you 'cause I feel like you don't trust me, Hyunie."

 

"Huh? What do you mean? If it's because I didn't tell you about my crush or something like that—"

 

"Wait, I need to talk because if I don't I probably never will. You know I'm bad at this serious talk type of thing," Beomgyu let out a breathy laugh and he's looking everywhere but Taehyun as he talks, "It just makes me upset 'cause I feel like maybe we're not that close anymore, or something. I know we see each other every day, but... you don't talk to me about what's happening to you anymore, every time I see you being sad, or stressed, or anything you just say it's fine. But it's not! I wanna be here for you! You know I am, right? I can help you cheer up or just... listen to you, whether it's about school or your parents or your crush or whatever."

 

Well, Taehyun wasn't sure what he was expecting when Beomgyu said he wanted to talk, but it definitely wasn't this.

 

"Tae?"

 

"Yes! Yes, sorry." Taehyun took a deep breath, trying to choose his words carefully. "It's... It's not that I don't trust you, believe me, I just... I'd rather deal with this alone, Beomie."

 

"But don't you tell these things to Kai? I see you two being secretive all the time."

 

"He finds stuff out by himself, I didn't tell him," Taehyun replied, biting back a smile because Beomgyu kind of was saying that he's jealous of Kai.

 

Beomgyu just nodded, looking away. "I still want you to know I'm here for you."

 

"So am I, Beomie."

 

"You promise?"

 

"I promise." Taehyung could  _melt_ right that moment.

 

"So... are we good?"

 

"We're good."

 

"Boys, time to... leave..." Their maths teacher came in, probably to chase them out, but was taken off guard when she saw the two sitting in a corner of the classroom holding hands. Taehyun knew what it looked like and as soon as he heard her voice he let go of Beomgyu at the speed of light to walk out, trying to will his blush away.

 

When they were outside the classroom, they walked calmly taking their time to get out of the building. Beomgyu suddenly spoke again, pouty expression on.

 

"At least tell me about her."

 

"Her who?"

 

"Your crush! Who were we talking about?" Beomgyu laughs and Taehyun doesn't know in what language he should ask the Earth to swallow him whole.

 

"It's... um, she... " Oh, God. "Has really pretty eyes. And h—she's really sweet. And kind. Always likes to help and be there for others." Taehyun looks down and Beomgyu coos at him.

 

"I've never heard you talk about someone like that!"

 

"I just said a few things, it's not that big of a deal."

 

"But it is!" the older looked excited and Taehyun wondered how he'd react if he told him his crush is a boy. Even more, that Beomgyu himself is his crush. "It's so cute. You're so cute when you like someone. I better go and thank this girl."

 

"Mhm."

 

  
When they were out, Taehyun had insisted they didn't stay the night together at one's house since he felt like he just needed a break from all these breathing problems and palpitations that being in Beomgyu's presence gave him, so he just said goodbye to the older. Of course he didn't mention the real reason, instead coming up with a lame excuse of wanting to have 'family time'. He was tired and wanted nothing more than to sleep, thank you very much.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All throughout the day, he managed to get some homework done, take a shower and play some video games on his phone calmly and he was damn proud of himself. (He can't believe he feels proud for such a dumb thing, but his hyungs always tell him that no matter how small an accomplishment is, it's still pride-worthy, so. Let him be.)

 

Don't get him wrong, his mind did go to his best friend more than a few times (how could it not?), but he could push the thoughts away enough time to remain mostly unbothered. He even found himself falling asleep rather quickly that night instead of the usual three hour long overthinking session.

 

It didn't last long, though.

 

He abruptly woke up when he heard his phone ring and ring on his bedside table. Siilently cursing, he grabbed the phone and picked up the call without seeing who it was, not even trying to hide the annoyance in his voice.

 

"What?"

 

"Oh, Hyunie," Beomgyu? "I'm so sorry, I woke you up, didn't I?"

 

"Oh n—no, no, it's okay!"

 

"I totally woke you up, listen to your voice. I'm sorry, I'll let you go to sleep—"

 

"No, Beomie, I'm here," he let his head fall back on his pillow and he looked at the phone's screen to check the time before putting his back on his ear. Almost midnight. "Is everything okay? I'm awake now, don't worry."

 

"Yeah, I just... everything's okay, I just wanted to talk to you." He sounded shy.

 

"You... just wanted to talk to me?"

 

"Mhm, I didn't think you were already asleep. You normally are in bed by now but you fall asleep too late. And then you wonder why you're so tired at school later," Beomgyu laughed a bit and Taehyun smiled.

 

"You're right."

 

"Uh... I'm sorry again for waking you up. Are you sure you don't wanna go back to—"

 

"Yes," he rushed, "I'm here now. I... I wanna talk to you too."

 

"Oh... Okay."

 

"Mkay."

 

"Mh... I just... I don't wanna sound clingy," Beomgyu said, nervous little laugh escaping his mouth, "but I missed you today. And I feel bad for ignoring you. I don't like it when we fight."

 

"Me neither. But if you called as an apology for not talking today, it's okay, you don't need to. We're okay, we talked about it, yeah?"

 

"... Yeah."

 

"So, is that all?"

 

"No! I do wanna talk to you now, I didn't call to apologize. I just miss you."

 

Is this something best friends do? Call each other at night because they miss each other even though they see each other all day and every day? Taehyun really wish he knew, because he's sure he's never called Kai in the middle of the night to tell him he misses him. Or Soobin. Or Yeonjun. He bets Soobin has done it with Yeonjun and viceversa, though.

 

He blushed for the nth time in the last 24 hours when he realized what his brain was implying.  _Calm down,_  Beomgyu was like this with everyone; sweet, caring, clingy. Not just with him, but with everyone. _Calm down, stupid_.

 

"Hyunie? You there?"

 

"Yes, I'm here. I... miss you too." He dared to say.

 

"Can you stay on the phone with me?"

 

"Beom— yes, of course, but... are you sure everything's okay? You're never like this." Taehyun bit his lip to stop himself from asking Beomgyu why he decided to call _him_ instead of his girlfriend. He didn't want to ruin whatever moment they were having in his imagination.

 

"Yeah! I am! I just, I don't know. Today after we talked— well, when I got home, I just felt restless for the rest of the day. It's like I have something on my mind but I don't know what, Hyunie, and I can't sleep," Taehyun could almost see how much Beomgyu was pouting at that moment, "I just wanted to talk with you. It... It always makes me feel better."

 

Oh, Beomgyu. Cute, honest Beomgyu. So much for taking a break from the crazy palpitations and breathing problems.

 

" _You_ always make me feel better," Taehyun wondered how he got so bold. It's probably that he's still half asleep.

 

He closed his eyes and put Beomgyu on speaker so he didn't need to hold the phone close to hear him. 

 

"Oh," the older sighed. "I'm glad."

  
Taehyun reminded himself again and again that this was a casual call between two bros. Even while knowing Beomgyu is straight (and has a girlfriend, as if that wasn't clear enough before!) he was still this close to sighing dreamily and telling Beomgyu he loved him. He really needs to chill the hell out before Taehyun falls even harder.

 

Needless to say, they kept talking and talking until they lost notion of time and ended up falling asleep with each other on the phone. If you asked Taehyun, that was the cheesiest thing he's ever done. How could he not love his hyung when he pulled stuff like that?

 

He likes him so much he doesn't know what to do anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
🌹

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Please! It'll be more fun if you come with us!"

 

"Why?"

 

"Because! Please, you'll have fun too, I promise!"

 

Taehyun looked at the ceiling as if he was asking the Gods for help, but no one seemed to have mercy on him. Kai was insisting he went with the rest if the group to Yeonjun's classmate's birthday party, since it apparently was going to be big and he wanted as many people as possible to go.

 

"Parties aren't my thing."

 

"Well they're gonna be. You're coming with us, and that's final."

 

"I knew I didn't have a choice anyways." Taehyun sighed and sipped on his juice, giving up easily.

 

"You're correct."

 

"Alright, but if I'm going then it's to take care of you and make sure you don't drink a single drop of alcohol."

 

"Hyung!" Kai suddenly wasn't so happy anymore, "You're almost the same age as me!"

 

"Still older than you, and no buts."

 

That was also an excuse to not drink a drop of alcohol himself. He was scared of getting drunk; what could happen? What would he do? Drunk people tend to be annoying, sick and most importantly, terribly honest. He wasn't in such a position to drink carelessly. But hey, at least he could take care of Kai, make sure he was okay at the party and nothing happens to him (and that he doesn't do anything stupid). Gotta look on the bright side.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

🌹

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So of course that the week went by in a flash when he begged it to pass slowly. He really wasn't looking foward going to this stranger's party. And oh, it just makes it so much better that Kai let him know Beomgyu's gonna be there. With Lia.

 

How fun.

 

He really, really wanted to stay home and watch a movie, maybe eat and sleep. Not go to this dark place with colorful moving lights and a lot of drunk dancing students.

  
That being said, he's been at the cursed party for an hour and he already got lost. He wanted to slap himself for being so easily distracted and not mantaining his eyes glued to Kai. The little shit took advantage of that and probably escaped to drink something, edgy and rebel teenager that he pretends to be.

 

Walking around, avoiding the already tipsy people that came his way, he saw Beomgyu laughing with a girl while being really close; judging by his body language, it looked like they were flirting. That's probably Lia. Nice. He turned around, tummy ache returning with full force.

 

  
Thinking about it, maybe he did need a drink or two. Not like he's planning to talk to any of those two tonight anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we all know that The Party Chapter in fanfics is when shit tends to go down. what do yall think is gonna happen? 👁👄👁


	8. call me baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But Beomgyu was head over heels for Lia. Lia was all of the things just named. Lia and her pretty, kind smile.
> 
> "What do you want, Hyun?"
> 
> He wanted to be the one Beomgyu felt this deeply about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (pls read the end notes!! ♥)  
> so... hi  
> FIRST OF ALL sorry to keep you waiting, ive been busy and sad and not in the mood to write and edit hhh  
> i feel like this isn't going to satisfy your expectations, so if thats the case im sorry :( its the first time im writing a fic so yeah ! hope u excuse me if this is shitty lkjsdla
> 
> ALSO just in case, even though its a bit obvious, trigger warning for underage drinking! yes, kai drinks here too. in my country it's the most common thing in the world for teens and pre-teens to get wasted/high at parties and stuff but i know it can be a lil ... taboo? in some other places so yeah, if youre uncomfy with underage drinking,,,,,,,  
> (also excuse any typos lol)  
> welp thats all i think. hope u enjoy!

"Taehyunie-hyuuuung!" Kai giggled like crazy as he threw himself on the older. The kid, being considerably taller and bigger, made Taehyun let out a surprised _oof._

He had gone to the table that was full of drinks, from orange juice to vodka and a lot of unknown colorful drinks. The baby of the group was standing next to it with a cup of who-knows-what in hand which Taehyun made him put down.

"Already drunk? Really?" he sighed and held Kai close since he was stumbling, "I can't believe they let you come here and have alcohol. You're like five."

  
"Five and a half! I'm just... tipsy, not drink. Drunk, not drunk." Kai kept laughing and Taehyun knew it was going to be a long night. "Mom... mom and dad think I'm sleeping at yours."

"You little... once you get home like this you're in big trouble, Ning. Come on, let's go sit somewhere, you're heavy as heck."

  
"If you carry me all night you'll get muscles, yeah? That's hot. Imagine you with muscles!" Kai wheezed and Taehyun was practically praying at this point.

  
"Yep, definitely drunk. Your tolerance is terrible."

  
"As if you could be better! I might be five but you're... six!" Kai burst out laughing again as Taehyun sat him down on the empty part of the sofa he bumped into in the dark living room. "You're gonna be a muscly six year old. How fucking cool is that?"

  
"Language, Ning! And I know the music is loud but if you keep shouting in my ear, I'm gonna go deaf."

  
Taehyun sat down next to Kai and the younger hugged him with arms and legs like a huge koala. He sighed, playing with Kai's hair. Is this what being a dad is like? He's seventeen and already has a giant drunk child. It was Kai's first time drinking and Taehyun already begged it was the last.

  
"Gimmie," Kai mumbles.

  
"Huh?" Taehyun moved to look at the younger, who wasn't laughing anymore. He looked like he was about to cry. Oh no, Kai is the mood-swing-every-two-minutes type of drunk?

"Gimmieeeee," he repeated, louder, "gimmie a kiss!"

"Excuse me?"

"Soobin won't give me a kiss, Taehyun! What am I gonna do? I want a kiss."

"I'm not gonna—"

"Why not? Why noooot? It's not like you can go and kiss Beomgyu!"

"Shut up!" Taehyun put his hand on Kai's mouth to shut him up. What if someone heard?!

"... So you can kiss me." He finished, muffled by Taehyun's hand.

"I'm not doing that— Ow! Don't bite my hand!— I'm not kissing you, even less when you're in this state!"

"Why? Don't you love me?"

Oh, God. Taehyun really didn't wanna be here.

"I do, I do— don't cry! Oh, my God." he reassured Kai and ruffled his hair. "But not to kiss you."

"Soobin!" Kai suddenly yelled, standing up so fast he fell back down, this time on Taehyun who complained. He saw Soobin and Yeonjun walking towards them.

"Babies!" Yeonjun yelled, smiling like he was having the time of his life. Another tipsy one. Soobin looked like he was still sober, though.

"Guys! Can you take care of this giant kid for a bit? It's a handful."

"Anything for you, child." Yeonjun grabbed Kai's wrists, yanking him up to hug him protectively. So he was the extremely affectionate type of drunk, huh.

"Tae," Soobin pleaded, looking at the other two, "You're leaving me to take care of two wasted children."

"If things get too out of control just call me," he just said as he saw Kai stop hugging Yeonjun to glue himself to Soobin. No one thought anything about it since that was his normal behavior.

This kid.

Taehyun made his way back to the table, wondering how were so many people there already drunk yet the table was still full of drinks. He kind of wanted to try and have one. Every alcoholized person that he encountered seemed to be having the best time, and he wasn't.

Maybe Taehyun _could_ drink a bit, just enough to let loose and then stop completely, so nothing gets out of hand. He really wanted to try it, but he was still kind of (very) terrified.

For once, he followed his impulses instead of his logic and poured some pink-looking drink in a plastic cup. He was a bit scared of the taste (he's never had it before, okay?) and he's heard people say you can add something else to make it less strong, so he just added orange juice to it without thinking much. It tasted... weird.

As he finished it, he saw some guy who was mixing drinks there for a few people. Taehyun gave him his cup and got it back with something that looked just like... orange juice? Taehyun wasn't sure since the place was fairly dark, though, and he had absolutely no idea of what it was. His parents always tell him to not drink from things strangers give him, but...

  
Looking around, he saw a girl. The same girl who was flirting with Beomgyu not too long ago. Lia. And she... was walking towards him?

Fuck it, he needs the drink right now.

He swallowed it in one go, trying (and failing) not to cough too much at the burning sensation in his throat. Fuck, whatever that was, was definitely stronger than the last one.

"Woah, you okay?" He heard the girl —Lia?— say.

"Peachy," he said, lending his plastic cup to the guy so he can give him more alcohol. Just a little bit, and then he'll stop and go back to care for Kai. Really, he will.

"Well, then," Lia smiled prettily and extended her arm to shake hands with him. "I'm Lia. You're Taehyun, aren't you?"

"I know who you are, and yeah. Nice to meet you." He shook her hand and sighed at when he noticed he got a bit dizzy, so he put a hand on the table to stabilize himself. How strong was that thing he just drank?

"Oh, you do?"

"Yeah," Taehyun felt the guy shove the cup, now full again, back into his hand, so he started drinking from it. It tasted disgusting, but he needs more if Beomgyu's girlfriend wanted to mantain a friendly conversation with him, otherwise he'd just run away or something. "Saw you with Beom... Beomgyu earlier. So I guessed."

"Oh," Lia smiled again. Taehyun drank more, noticing how kind-looking she is. "Well, it's great to meet you, Gyu talks a lot about you, you know?"

"Oh, I didn't." The boy smiles with his lips closed. "He talks too much about—talks a lot about you too, sorry."

"It's okay!" she laughed. "It's a shame he wasn't the one to introduce us now."

"Yeah."

"So what are you doing here, if you don't mind me asking? Gyu told me you're not one for parties."

" 'M not. My friend forced me to come, for some reason."

"Ah, of course," Lia giggled, "I hope you have a good time, though."

"Thanks."

All throughout the conversation he kept drinking, grimacing at the taste every time. _Taehyun, stop_.

"By the way, how did you know it was me? What if I was a stranger?"

"Oh, Gyu shows me pictures of you! That's how I recognized you."

"That's gay," he blurted out.

"What?"

"I said that's great," Taehyun giggled. Oh no, was it already affecting him? That wasn't good. "Sorry, I gotta go now... to watch my friend, he's piss drunk. Can't stay here to talk, hope you don't mind. Bye, Lea—Lia!"

"Oh, uh, sure, you go."

When he started walking fast to get away as quick as possible (he really isn't in the mood for anything having to do with heterosexual conversations, honestly,) he noticed he stumbled a lot; he even tripped on air and almost fell and spilled a bit of his drink on a guy he recognized from Soobin's class, but the guy held him so he didn't.

"Thanks, handsome!" Taehyun laughed and instead of feeling embarrassed —mortified, even— like he probably would have if he was completely sober, he deliberately touched one of the guy's biceps as he walked away, leaving the poor boy a bit confused. His tolerance is worse than Kai's, isn't it? Was he already drunk? Nah, he couldn't be, not that fast. Maybe he was already tipsy, but what in hell did the mixing douche put in the drink for him to already be acting this... bold? Vodka? He's been told that's strong as hell, maybe that's what he's been drinking.

"Hyunie!"

Amazing.

"Beomie!" Taehyun giggled and all but threw himself on Beomgyu to hug him, carelessly dropping the now almost empty plastic cup on the floor.

"Oh, careful!" Beomgyu held him strongly to prevent him drom falling, and Taehyun pretended his legs were weak just for a second so Beomgyu didn't let go. Alcohol apparently also made him gayer. "Are you already wasted? it's been like two hours!"

"Not wasted at all. I'm so glad to see you! Y'know what? I m—met you, your... your what? Your girlfriend. Came and said hi!"

"Glad to see you too," Beomgyu giggled, clearly not as drunk as Taehyun was. "I'm so happy you met! What do you think of her?"

"So pretty. Good for you," Taehyun mumbled. "Hey, have you seen Kai? I left him with the gays—guys, the guys. The hyungs, you know, those two annoying trees."

Beomgyu was trying not to laugh as he answered. "Kai is a tree too, don't you think? Pretty tall if you ask me."

"Totally! Hey, I didn't expect to talk to you tonight. How you doin'?"

"You didn't? why?"

"Eh, didn't wanna bother you and your girl." Tehyun rests his head on Beomgyu's shoulder and closes his eyes. Oh, how nice he smells.

"You never bother me, Hyunie."

"How sweet, Gyu. Oh, she calls you Gyu, doesn't she? She called you that when we talked. That's so sweet. You're sweet. Sweet as that sugary candy Yeonjun loves to eat, you know? You even smell sweet." Taehyun smiled and hugged Beomgyu closer, making the older raise his eyebrows.

Taehyun continues talking. "I gotta go watch Kai." he says, but he doesn't let go. "The Kai from Exo, I mean. I love watching him 'cause he's handsome, don't you think?" Taehyun laughs, "but also our Kai, he looks like such a doll. But that's different, because he's my literal son. Like, I gave birth to him, ya know?"

To say Beomgyu was completely confused was probably an understatement, but he still nodded. He's never seen Taehyun talk so much. Still, he himself had a little bit of alcohol in his system and couldn't stop giggling, neither could he bring himself to question anything Taehyun just said, mind too cloudy.

"Anyways, Exo isn't here, so I gotta stick with our Kai. He's a bit dumb, but also not, but also yes, ya feel?" Taehyun was saying this as if it was a secret. "Welp, gonna go see if he already caused trouble. See ya!"

"S—See you...?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
So, as everyone noticed, Kang Taehyun is completely gone. As soon as he said goodbye to Beomgyu to go look for Kai, he completely forgot what he was gonna do and opted to go for more drinks. He didn't have it in himself to worry about how much he consumed anymore, maybe not yet that wasted but too far gone to care about something else apart from dancing with his hyungs' handsome classmates. And he had already found Beomgyu and maybe said a lot of stuff he shouldn't have, even though luckily Beomgyu seemed too tipsy to fully comprehend the string of embarrassing nonsense that left Taehyun's now loose mouth. Now he either had to be mindful of staying away from his friend, or stop drinking.

He had no idea how much time had passed, maybe an hour, maybe five, everything after talking to Beomgyu was kind of a blur, colorful mnoving lights and high dancing faces blending together in his mind. He found himself flopping down on the sofa with some other people, talking and giggling with some boy whose name he didn't know, making himself comfortable in that crowded sofa.

He turned around when he heard someone yelling.

"Youuuuu!"

"Me?" Taehyun looked around and he found Beomgyu (speaking of the devil!), again, stumbling and tripping his way to him, until he fell on his butt right in front of Taehyun. Well, screw the staying-away-from-Beomgyu-plan. "You! Didn't I say bye to you like two minutes ago?"

"Me! And no, more like two hours ago," Beomgyu giggled from the floor, but then pouted. Taehyun really felt like he's seen the older just a minute ago, everything after that being a giant cotton piece in his memories. "I just lost Lia. You seen her?"

Here we go again. "Do I look like I've seen her?"

"Uh, I dunno. I thought maybe you—" Beomgyu gasped and stopped talking when he saw Taehyun trying to get up and grabbed his hands to stop him, "Nooo, wait!"

"Who cares about girls right now!" Taehyun flopped back down, "You're here, I'm here too. How 'bout you focus on me instead? If not, I'm leaving."

the blonde looked at him for a few seconds. "My attention is all yours then."

"Liar! You just asked me about her!"

"Okay, now I'm with you, promise."

"But not in the way I want you to, silly!"

"In what way then?"

Taehyun pretended to think for a good ten seconds when he suddenly realized they were still holding hands and he started caressing Beomgyu's palm with his thumb mindlessly. He didn't seem to notice.

"Let's dance!"

"What? W—wait—!"

So, like that, five minutes later, he's dancing like silly again but this time, with his crush. They were moving like crazy and laughing loudly. He wanted to just enjoy the hell out of that situation really, even though the night is turning out to be so random he didn't know how to feel. He felt like he didn't know what to expect next, it was exciting. Eh, could blame some stuff on the alcohol later.

  
"You won't remember any of this tomorrow, like dancing with me, will you, you big baby?"

"Dunno, hope not," Beomgyu laughed. "Did you just call me a baby?"

"Maybe I did, you baby." Taehyun gave him a giant smile "You cutie. You terribly handsome sweetie pie." Damn, there he goes.

Beomgyu wasn't laughing anymore, instead blinking surprisedly at him.

"Sh—shut up, you know compliments boost up my ego way too much. You want me to become all smug and annoying like Kai's classmates?" He joked, smiling a bit.

"I'd want you no matter what."

"Huh? What?"

"Oh, nothing," sober Taehyun would surely slap the hell out of drunk Taehyun for being so careless. "Just sayin' nonsense, you know, I'm drunk, blah blah."

"Mhm, I can see. Never thought I'd see so many cheesy things come out of you." Was Taehyun's imagination playing mean tricks or was Beomgyu closer than ten seconds ago? "You'd never call me that stuff sober."

"You want me to?"

There was a long pause.

"Maybe, baby."

"Wh—"

 

"Taehyunie-hyung!"

Before he even had time to react, Kai (where did he even come from?) was on him, hugging him with all his strength and knocking the air out of Taehyun.

"Ning?" he yelled over the music, completely disoriented by the sudden action, "You okay?"

Kai lifted his head and Taehyun put his hands on Kai's cheeks, getting his hair out of his face.

"Why you crying? What's wrong?" the youngest just shook his head and sniffed.

"Sorry," he just said.

"Ning, what's wrong?" Taehyun was getting more worried by the second. Did someone do something to Kai?

"I just wanna go home," Kai sniffed.

"But are you okay? Did something happen to you? I'll—"

"I'm fine, I promise, I just— please just take me home. Please."

"Okay, okay, it's okay, we'll take the bus, let's go."

"I'm going too!" said Beomgyu who was just standing there not knowing what to do, and the three of them went outside, music sounding a bit less loud from there.

"Don't take the bus, I have money for a taxi to Kai's house, it'll be faster," the oldest of the three said once they were walking away, looking at Kai who was practically in Taehyun's arms. "Don't you wanna walk on your own? Dunno how you can go like that."

"Beom, just let him," Taehyun murmured as he kept walking, to which Beomgyu sighed.

  
They kept walking for a couple of minutes, Taehyun whispering questions to Kai but the kid wouldn't answer anything except _just wanna go home_ , so Taehyun eventually gave up. He'd ask him tomorrow. What's important now is that Kai gets home safely.

They took the first taxi they saw, the ride being completely silent. Kai was still in Taehyun's arms, the latter caressing his hair to the point where Kai almost fell asleep in there. Beomgyu was watching them the whole time without saying anything, making Taehyun feel tense. He never wanted to go to that party and get himself in any awkward situaiton, yet there he was.

"We're here," Taehyun murmured, getting them both out of the car and trying to walk normally as Beomgyu paid the driver. "You'll be okay?"

"Just wanna sleep," Kai whispered.

"You know you'll get in big trouble with your parents, right?"

"Don't care. Don't worry."

"We'll talk tomorrow, yeah?" Taehyun stood on his tiptoes to kiss Kai's forehead in an attempt to comfort him and right after that he lost his balance and almost fell, laughing a little, making the younger smile a bit and mutter a _thank you, hyung_. "Rest well."

 

He watched the baby of the group enter his house and sighed. Taehyun felt like he had sobered up a bit from worrying so much in about half an hour.

  
"Feeling clingy tonight?" Beomgyu suddenly spoke from Taehyun's side when Kai was already inside, startling him.

"Jesus fuck," Taehyun put his hands over his heart and then smacked the older's arm, earning a flick to his forehead. "Ow—stop! You scared me!"

"You never hug me," Beomgyu pouted, choosing to ignore Taehyun's language.

"Jealous much?" He teased. Okay, maybe he's not that sober yet.

"Of course not! Who do you think I am? I was just sayi— You know what, let's just go." He turned around and started walking, "I don't have any money left by the way, so we gotta walk."

"What? Why didn't you mention that earlier? I don't wanna walk!"

"Then take the bus. I'm gonna walk."

"Okay then. See ya."

"Wait!" Beomgyu grabbed his arm, "I wasn't serious. Stay with me?"

It was in that exact moment he realized he was left alone with Beomgyu. _Don't start getting nervous, I beg you_.

"Beom, you're hysterical today."

"Shut up." He didn't let go of the younger's arm as they walked.

Taehyun let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head. "This is so weird. The las hours have been so random. I met your girlfriend, danced with you, made friends with the guys' classmates... now this. I'm so tired already."

Beomgyu just listened in silence, so Taehyun continued.

"I just... I'm so worried about Ning. I don't even know what happened... It's not usual to see him like this."

"Me too, but for now he's in his home resting. Whatever happened, he'll get better. There's no use in worrying too much right now, leave it for tomorrow, yeah?"

Taehyun just nodded. "I didn't even wanna come to this damn party in the first place."

"I'm glad you did, though."

Taehyun looked away not knowing really what to respond and they walked a few minutes in silence.

 

"So..."

"So?"

"Was your crush at the party?"

"Really? The crush thing? Now?"

"I was just asking!"

Taehyun closed his eyes. "Yes, he was. Happy now?"

"... He?"

Oh.

 

Oh, shit.

 

"Uh... um, I..." the younger let go of Beomgyu's arm as he watched him with big surprised eyes. His face went pink as he tried to think of any lie, but he couldn't. "I... y—yes, he."

"Okay," Beomgyu murmured, blinking repeatedly. "Okay."

Silence.

"I'm sorry for... assuming, the other day..."

"It's fine."

Now what? What should he say to make the situation less weird?

"So... do I know hi—"

"Can we drop it?" Taehyun interrupted, "Please."

"Sorry, sorry."

It was awkward. Taehyun was tense, nervous. Uncomfortable. What if Beomgyu thought differently of him now? What if it made him uncomfortable? Would he start distancing himself? Be disgusted whenever Taehyun touched him? God, he wished he never spoke, He should have been mindful and say _she_ , it really wasn't that hard. Or at least invent any excuse, lie, anything. What if—

"Yo, bet I can get to that park over there before you can!" Beomgyu suddenly said, voice cheerful, and started running towards a little park with a playground in it that was about two streets away, bursting Taehyun's overthinking bubble.

"Huh? What?"

"Come on!" Beomgyu turned around and grabbed Taehyun's wrist when he saw the younger hadn't moved from his spot, dragging him along and starting to laugh like a little boy, which made Taehyun's mind go to a few days back when they ran under the rain holding hands. A smile made its way to his face without him noticing.

Maybe Beomgyu wasn't as uncomfortable as Taehyun thought, then.

The older threw himself on the grass when they got to the park, still holding onto Taehyun which made him fall too, laughing for absolutely no reason at this point. And they didn't stop laughing until at leasst five minutes later, when they became giggles, and then the only thing heard was their heavy breathing. Taehyun was calm. He felt warm, even when laying on grass in the middle of the night.

"Hey, Hyunie?"

"What?"

"Me too."

"You too what?"

Taehyun felt the older sigh. Beomgyu closed his eyes. "I'm... yeah."

"You're gonna have to be more specific than that, Beom."

"I, uh..." He paused. "I liked what you said to me back there," he said instead.

"What?"

"Hold on, let me talk!" Beomgyu giggled. "I'm tryna be as honest as possible now that I'm tipsy. It feels good."

"You could regret being too honest tomorrow."

"I wouldn't regret it if it's with you!"

"O—Oh." _Stop making me blush, idiot. Have consideration._ Not even drunk he can escape from the bubbly embarrassing feelings in his chest, damn it.

"So... I liked that. You calling me a baby."

"Is this a confession?" Taehyun joked, heart in his throat. He confirmed with this he was still tipsy, since he was sure he'd never say such a thing to his hyung while sober.

"Shut up," Beomgyu laughed, "I don't even know what I'm saying. But I'm serious. It was nice. I love being called cute stuff."

"You're cute stuff."

Beomgyu sat up, so Taehyun did too.

"Um... wanna stay here for a bit? Together?"

"Didn't plan on moving. But... isn't Lia at the party, still?" Taehyun prayed Beomgyu still wanted to stay with him.

"She'll text me if she needs me. I told you I missed you. Now I wanna be here, yeah?"

"... Yeah," the younger whispered. "Yeah, baby."

They both smiled a bit and Taehyun moved closer to Beomgyu to throw an arm over the older's shoulders.

"What you doing?"

"What does it look like? Weren't you complaining just ten minutes ago about me not hugging you?"

Beomgyu smiled and looked down. "Adorable."

Taehyun wasn't sure if it was his imagination, wishful thinking, or what it was but he could feel a different energy surrounding  them. If he really thinks about it, what the hell are they doing? Taehyun calling Beomgyu a cute nickname and the latter giggling in response, and telling him he wants to stay with him instead of a girl? Them hugging alone in the middle of the night? That's something thatm, until now, only happened in Taehyun's pushed-in-the-deepest-part-of-his-mind daydreams, in the wishes he made when he was awake in bed at four in the morning. Well, the cute part of them.

So, again, what exactly is going on?

"Why do you like me calling you pet names so much? Doesn't Lia do it already?"

"I like it when she calls me baby," Beomgyu says, looking like he's in deep thought. "But I also really like it when you do it." He concludes.

Taehyun looks at his hands. "Will you still like it tomorrow or will you take it back?"

"Let's see, sweetheart."

"Okay, I never said _you_ could call _me_ cheesy stuff." That never was part of the deal, it really wasn't good for Taehyun's heart health.

"You don't want me to?"

"It's not that..."

"Then you want me to?"

"I..."

"Hm?"

"I want... uh... I..."

"What do you want, Hyunie?"

What did Taehyun want? He wanted Beomgyu to call him baby. He wanted to compliment Beomgyu without thinking about it and watch him go all blushy and giggly.

He wanted to give Beomgyu all the shoulders to cry on and all the comforting thight hugs he needed to smile genuinely again. To be the one who makes the older's heart beat and palms sweat, wanted to be the protagonist of the thoughts that emerge in his head at night when nobody is watching. He wanted to show all his cringey, corny sides of him only to Beomgyu.

But Beomgyu was head over heels for Lia. Lia was all of the things just named. Lia and her pretty, kind smile.

He wanted to be the one Beomgyu felt this deeply about.

"What is it, Hyun?"

Right there, sitting down on the grass in the middle of a little kids' park at ass o'clock when nobody but them was outside, as if they were the only people in the world, adrenaline and alcohol crowding his system, unable to even think about anything but the pretty boy in front of him and heart feeling so big he feared it would come out of his chest, he just wanted to kiss Beomgyu until he forgot his own name.

 

He wasn't thinking at all and at the same time was thinking of a million different things when he grabbed Beomgyu's face and wordlessly planted a kiss on his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn taehyun you go  
> the gays asked for a kiss so i gave them what they want  
> what do u think happened to kai? 👀 also it HURTS my soul to write sad kai What Have I Gotten Myself Into
> 
> if you expected it to be wilder, im sorry, IM NOT GOOD AT WILD ASKDJA this ended up too fluffy and angsty didnt it? but if you rly want i can make things go wild later on, heh
> 
> i sincerely hope u enjoyed reading it at least ;A; have a good night/day/afternoon/evening! ♥


	9. trust me for once

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy. Taehyun didn't know what the fuck was going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok but that chapter summary is basically the whole fic
> 
> uhhh sorry if this is messy huhu i was supposed to do hw but i decided to post this instead lol

It didn't last more than a second, which is the same amount of time that took Taehyun to process what he was doing. He immediately let go of Beomgyu's face, moving away as if he burned to the touch, his already doe eyes getting bigger in shock.

Shit.

He messed up, he messed up big time.

He opened his mouth to apologize one and a million times, but before he even had time to say anything Beomgyu was on him, grabbing the collar of his shirt and kissing him again.

Oh boy. Taehyun didn't know what the fuck was going on.

His brain short circuited when he felt Beomgyu move his lips.  _Holy shit._ Being the inexperienced boy that he is, he just tried to react as soon as possible instead of sitting there still like a stone.

Then, it hit him again.

He was kissing Beomgyu. _Beomgyu_ was kissing _him_.

Beomgyu. His crush. His best friend. The guy who has a girlfriend.

A girlfriend.

As much as Taehyun liked him, he really didn't want to be that kind of guy.

"B—Beom—" Taehyun separated from the kiss and Beomgyu chased after his lips for a second but Taehyun, using all the autocontrol that was left in his body, stopped him placing his hands on the older's chest. "No, no, don't, Beom, wait."

"... Oh, my God." Beomgyu sat down again and covered his mouth with both his hands, eyes huge. He looked like he just realized what just happened. "Oh my God, Tae, I'm so sorry, I— please don't be mad—"

"I—I'm not, wait—"

Beomgyu started getting up as fast as he could, losing his balance in the middle.

"I'm sorry, forget that ever happened, I—oh, _my God_. Just—forget about it, I'm sorry!"

"Beomgyu—"

But his hyung had already started running away. Taehyun didn't react on time and Beomgyu was already away, so he found himself staring open-mouthed at the grass. _What the genuine fuck just happened?_ He kissed Beomgyu. Then, instead of getting mad and telling him off, he kissed Taehyun again. And then wouldn't stop. Oh, Gosh, Beomgyu hadn't wanted to stop. Taehyun was sure that he was blushing all the way down to his toes, because Beomgyu wanted to keep kissing him.

What did that mean, exactly? That Beomgyu isn't as straight as he initially thought, for starters, right?

But... what was Taehyun thinking? How could this mean something? Beomgyu didn't like him... It was just in the heat of the moment. No, he couldn't afford to think he had a chance, the older just went running probably to be with his girlfriend.

 _I'm, so dumb,_ Taehyun thought. _How did this happen?_ Beomgyu was now going to be weird around him, and how could he not? He, his childhood best friend, just kissed him. And there he realized that now Beomgyu knows how he feels; he must know, he can't be that dense. Great, just what Taehyun needed.

If Taehyun felt this ashamed now, he didn't want to imagine how he'll feel the next days, having to face him. Beomgyu literally ran away from him just now, when he realized how wrong the whole situation was. What has he done? Everything just keeps getting messier and it's his own fault.

He suddenly remembered he was alone in the middle of a park and didn't know how to go back to the party. He had Kai's house a couple of streets away, but Kai's parents were probably mad enough at their son for coming home at this hour, drunk. Taehyun didn't want to be another cause of their fury, thank you very much.

He also realized at that moment that Beomgyu had left him alone there without a care in the world to go to his girlfriend. How fucking nice of him.

  
_**me**_  
**4:39**  
hey are yiu yhere  
therw

 _ **parental figure**_  
**4:43**  
im a bit budy

 _ **me**_  
**4:43**  
what

 _ **parental figure**_  
**4:45**  
im budy  
BUSY GODDSMINR  
why  
ate you oksu arr you in trouvle

 _ **me**_  
**4:45**  
r u still srunk

 _ **parental figure**_  
**4:46**  
tipsy.  
whaydo you WANT

 _ **me**_  
**4:47**  
im kind of uhhh in tje mkddle of a park completely alone  
wojlf you pick ne up

 _ **parental figure**_  
**4:49**  
UR WHAT  
WYM UR ALONE AT A PARJ  
AT RHIS HOUR  
BITCH SENF UR LOCATION WERE COMINF

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"How did you end up here? Are you okay?" Taehyun knows Soobin means well, but he kept worriedly asking him questions Taehyun didn't really feel like answering.

  
"I'm fine. Just wanna go home." Oh, he sounded just like Kai a while ago. "I took Kai home, he didn't feel good. And then realized I was alone," he lied, "and I don't wanna go home alone at this hour. Sorry to bother you guys."

"Nonsense! You never bother us!" Yeonjun said, and Taehyun smiled a bit.

"You guys sound like my parents."

The bus ride back to Taehyun's house felt eternal. Not to be a drama queen, but Taehyun just wanted to cry and maybe for Earth to swallow him whole and spit him out at the opposite side of the planet. Every minute he was closer and closer to bursting into tears, but he absolutely refused to do so in front of his hyungs.

When they got off the bus, he thanked them and basically zoomed into his house before they could ask him anything else, trying to be as silent as possible once he was inside. His parents didn't wake up that easily so he could make it to his room in peace.

As soon his body touched the bed, he started crying; he felt pathetic. He screwed everything up and he had no clue what would happen with them. Will Beomgyu distance himself? Probably.

He didn't want that. He didn't want to lose their friendship over his stupid feelings. If only he had a bit more of common sense in him in that moment and stop himself...

As much as his head didn't stop generating stressful thoughts, he was exhausted to the bone and ended up falling asleep rather quickly, cheeks wet and pretty clothes still on.

 

 

 

 

It felt like he blinked and woke up again, still as tired, except this time the sunlight entered his room and his head felt like made of stone. He groaned as he closed his eyes again, but was aware he wouldn't be able to sleep again. With the little energy he had, he opened his bedside table's drawer, grabbed a painkiller and left it on the table for when he had enough will to get up and get some water. After at least fifteen minutes, Taehyun grabbed his phone.

 _ **me**_  
**16:01**  
mornign

 _ **problem child kai**_  
**16:06**  
morning, he says  
its 4pm

 _ **me**_  
**16:07**  
did i stutter  
how's your head

 _ **problem child kai**_  
**16:07**  
like crap  
but i took meds  
also if i suddenly stop replying it's cuz my mom killed me lol  
im not allowed to use my phone for the rest of the week,,, rip  
but shes not here now

 _ **me**_  
**16:14**  
i mean you had it coming  
at least youre alive  
btw you feeling better than last night?

 ** _problem child kai_**  
**16:17**  
i guess  
thank u for taking me home  
even tho my mom yelled at me for like 4hrs after that

 _ **me**_  
**16:18**  
damn shes tough  
you dont have to thank me btw  
you wanna talk about it?

 _ **problem child kai**_  
**16:18**  
no, im fine hyung

 _ **me**_  
**16:18**  
you didnt seem fine last night

 _ **problem child kai**_  
**16:19**  
i mean, no one did anything to me so u can relax  
its just something that i,,,  
nvm  
ill tell u about it at school on monday

 _ **me**_  
**16:21**  
okay  
i dont even wanna go to school on monday lol but i'll go for you

 ** _problem child kai_**  
**16:22**  
why not? 👀 you never say that  
did smth happen??

 _ **me**_  
**16:22**  
i'll tell u about it at school heh

 _ **problem child kai**_  
**16:22**  
biTch

 _ **me**_  
**16:23**  
leave dork ur moms gonna kill u

 _ **problem child kai**_  
**16:23**  
not if the headache kills me first

 ** _me_**  
**16:24**  
go SLEEP

 _ **problem child kai**_  
**16:24**  
ugh ok dad

  
Taehyun half smiled and forced himself to get up. At least talking with Kai made him relax a bit, even though the constant reminder of his fuck up last night remained fresh in his mind. He was relieved his mom worked on Saturdays and that she had enough mercy to let him sleep, but he knows that when she gets home later that day he won't hear the end of it for coming back so late.

 

 

 

  
So, to sum it up, he spent his weekend in bed, eating, texting with Kai and feeling sorry for himself. He also listened over and over again to _Mr. Brightside_ to cry a bit more, add to the torture and call it a self care day, since he felt like the lyrics hit close to home. Let him be as dramatic as he wishes now, okay? The moment he steps inside the school building he'll have to suck it up.

And on Monday he does try to suck it up and be strong, but as soon as Kai comes to his classroom on break and asks him where Beomgyu is, Taehyun is _this_ close to breaking down.

"I don't know," he murmured. "in his house. Didn't come today. Guess he didn't wanna see me."

"Woah there," Kai looked at him like he was crazy. "What happened? What did he do?"

"It was me," Taehyun sighed and whispered the next part, "I... the other night, I kissed him."

"You _WHAT_?"

"Lower your voice!" Taehyun whisper-yelled when at least half of the people in the classroom turned to look at them thanks to Kai's shouting. "Yeah, after we dropped you off."

"Dude, what the _fuck_?" Kai started whisper-yelling too. "What did he do? How did he react?"

Taehyun bit his lip.

"Come on, tell me!"

"Don't shout," Taehyun warned him, ready to slap his hands over the younger's mouth if he did, "but he kissed me again."

And he did slap his hands on Kai's mouth when the younger let out a high-pitched scream, and the whole classroom did turn around to look at them.

And Taehyun _did_ blush.

"Dude! What the fuck!" Kai continued whisper-yelling, now bouncing in his seat as Taehyun tried to shut him up. "That's so gay! That's so gay— why wouldn't he wanna see you? He totally likes you!"

"He literally ran away after that! He left me alone at that park at, like, four in the morning!"

Kai's expression changed completely. "That's... shitty."

"Yeah. But what I did was also shitty. He just...he doesn't want to see me," Taehyun bit his lip, wanting to end the conversation before he started crying. "I get it."

"Tae, it's probably not like that... he even kisse—"

"Ning, it's okay, please let's leave it here, yeah? I don't wanna talk about it."

"Okay, that's okay, sorry."

"Do you... wanna talk about what happened to you?"

"What?"

"At the party, when you came crying. You said you'd tell me about it today."

Kai blinked and paused, as if he wasn't expecting that. Maybe he had hoped Taehyun would forget.

"Uh, well..."

 

 

 

 

🌻

 

 

 

 

 

_He's so sleepy. It was maybe around half-past three in the morning, which for a lot of people there was early, but for Kai it was late as shit, not to mention he was still drunk. He didn't even know where his hyungs were; he had gotten away when they were distracted just like he did to Taehyun earlier._

_He kept yawning and rubbing his eyes while trying to stay awake, but it was helpless. He decided to find a decently quiet place to take a nap, even though that task seemed almost impossible._

_In his sleepy, blurry mind, appeared the idea of going upstairs and sleep for a bit in the birthday boy's bed. He didn't personally know him but he surely wouldn't mind Kai taking a little nap, right?_

_Deciding it was a good idea, he started going through the living room to reach the stairs, taking his sweet time in every step so that he doesn't fall in that state. To get to the bedroom he had to walk by the bathroom. It was empty, or so it looked like, everyone used the downstairs one. Kai thanked the heavens because the music was muffled and it was considerably quieter up there, he probably wouldn't be able to hear a thing in the bedroom and sleep like a baby._

_But when he walked by the almost-closed bathroom door, he heard... gasps?_

_Oh_ shit. _So the bathroom... wasn't empty. Kai felt himself blush all the way down to his chest if that was possible. In the shock of the moment, he stood there in front of the closed bathroom door unable to move, and when he was about to react and freaking naruto run to the bedroom and try to forget about the situation, he heard a breathy voice  again:_

_"Wait, Yeonjunnie..."_

_What?_

... What?

_"Somebody could come in—" Was that... Soobin's voice?_

_"Nobody did yet," the second voice let out a breathy laugh. "Everyone's downstairs, baby." That's Yeonjun's voice._

_There were low, breathy laughs._

_"You're so cute like this," he heard Yeonjun's voice again._

_"That's gay," the other voice laughed, and yes, it was definitely Soobin's._

_Oh, God. it was Soobin's voice. Soobin was in there. With Yeonjun._

_As soon as he could react, Kai turned around and ran down the stairs, unable to stay there and listen to one more word._

 

 

 

🌻

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Oh," was all Taehyun could bring himself to say.

"Yeah, oh." Kai wasn't looking at him anymore, instead focusing on his hands, demeanor completely different from two minutes ago. "Now I know for sure Soobin-hyung likes someone. And it's Jjunie-hyung."

"I'm sorry, Ning..."

"It's... fine," the younger tried to smile, "I just... would have liked to not find out like that."

"I'm sorry, Ning, I..."

Taehyun hesitated. He felt bad for hiding this from Kai, but he also didn't regret it, since he'd never out someone on purpose. But hearing Kai say that...

"I... I already knew," Taehyun confessed, "I didn't... didn't know how to..."

"You... knew?" Taehyun looked up and saw Kai's frown. "What? You knew and didn't even bother to tell me?"

"I... Yeonjun asked me to keep it a secret—"

"No, no, hold on," Kai's tone was angrier now, and Taehyun made himself smaller in his seat. He's only seen him angry once, and it's not something he'd like to repeat. Well, too late now, apparently. "You knew they were dating! And didn't even bother to tell me how dumb I was acting when he's already—!"

The kid interrupted himself to sigh probably in an attempt to calm himself down, Taehyun not daring to say a word in fear of upsetting him even further. He shouldn't have said anything.

"I let myself think maybe I had a chance..."

"Hey..."

"Don't." Was all he said before he got up to leave, leaving Taehyun alone.

Well, that was something. Taehyun may have found his new talent; fucking everything up!

As Kai stormed out of the classroom Yeonjun was entering it, causing them to almost crash. Kai kept walking without sparing him a glance, to which Yeonjun looked at Taehyun and mouthed a _what?_. Taehyun shrugged, deflated.

"What's up with him?" Yeonjun asked when he was already in front of the younger, before sitting down.

"Dunno," Taehyun murmured, really not in the mood for talking to Yeonjun (or anyone, really). "Hi."

"How you doin', little one?"

" _Little one,_ okay. I'm fine, hyung. You?"

"Oh, I'm great," Yeonjun answered eyeing him and Taehyun just hummed, mind somewhere else. "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Hm?"

"The other night, at the party. Well, not _at_ the party, but that night. Remember we picked you up?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Okay, what were you doing alone at a park in the middle of the night?"

"Why are you asking me this now, again?" Taehyun looked at him, taken off guard. "I told you, I took Kai home and walked for a bit before realizing I didn't want to go back alone."

"Yeah, you did say that," Yeonjun nodded, taking his sweet time to get to the point. "What's funny is that on Saturday I texted a bit with Hyuka, you know, 'cause we're friends and all that."

"... Yeah?" Taehyun said, unsure of where this was going, when Yeonjun paused.

"Yep. I asked if he was okay and if he got home safely and he said that yeah, he was fine, because you  _and Beomgyu_ dropped him off at his house."

Welp.

Taehyun pursed his lips, trying to look as calm and collected as possible. "He... he did?"

"Yes, he did. Now, why did you lie to me, Tae?" Yeonjun pouted.

"I... I didn't, uh..."

"Save it, Tae," Yeonjun sighed, finally looking serious. "I want to know what you're hiding."

"I'm not hiding anything!" The younger argued, voice becoming high-pitched.

"Come on, I'm your friend!" He pouted again, "You know you can trust me. I won't tell anyone if you don't want me too, you know, since you did the same for me, but I need to know if something's troubling you. I know you, and you've been acting weird for weeks now!"

Taehyun looked away, feeling embarrassed for being so transparent.

"If it helps you, I also used to think I had to deal with everything alone, but no, you have to trust people more. And I'm here for that."

"... Okay," Taehyun gave in, probably in a moment of weakness, Yeonjun's words making him soften up. Gross. "Okay, I... "

Yeonjun looked at him, expectant.

"I..." He immediately regretted it. "No, no, forget it, Yeonjun-hyung, please go back to your classroom, the bell's about to ring. Nothing's going on, just—"

"Taehyun," Yeonjun interrupted, understanding smile on, and stretched out his hand for Taehyun to take, which he did without thinking. "I'm not gonna judge you. I'm here to listen. Trust me."

Taehyun couldn't believe Yeonjun was actually close to succeeding in making him open up.

"I'm gonna ask again, Tae," Yeonjun looked at him, not letting go of his hand. "What's going on between you and Beomgyu?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well that was a rollercoaster  
> yeonjun just wants to be a good hyung (also he's thirsty for the drama)  
> as always, thank u to the sweethearts who take the time to leave nice comments and kudos uvu i love u and i Can and i Will smooch u


	10. big mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beomgyu had gone dead silent, though, and for a brief moment he thought the older had hung up on him. "You still there?"
> 
> "Uh—" Beomgyu started, voice shaky. "I don't think... we're on the same page."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK  
> hello! sorry to keep you waiting. school has been a pain...  
> sorry if this is a bit short lol but i'm not as busy anymore so i think the next update won't take this long!!  
> hope u enjoy it uvu

The moment he found himself blinking at Yeonjun, feeling completely exposed and his fuck ups with Beomgyu and Kai still fresh in his mind overwhelming him even more, he realized his eyes were getting watery and he sniffed.

Yeonjun's expression changed in less than a second.

"You're coming with me." Is all he said, making a surprised Taehyun stand up to drag him out the classroom, at the same time the bell rand indicating the end of the break. The older dragged Taehyun to some stairs that no one used since they leaded to the school roof top, and sat there.

"Here. We're all alone now, and we're gonna talk."

"I can't... skip classes."

"You didn't try to stop me the three minutes we walked here, you don't get to complain now. Now, we're having a best-friend talk and you can't do anything to stop it, get it?"

"Yes, sir." Taehyun sighed, blinking repeatedly to will the unwanted tears away. Since when was he the type to freaking _cry for a boy_?

"I'm all ears. We have time now."

"I..." Taehyun tried to collect his thoughts to talk normally, say something, a lie, the truth, tell his hyung to go away and let him go to class, anything.

"I'm—I'm gay," he says instead.

"Yeah, I guessed so," Yeonjun said, voice soft, like he understood Taehyun's internal turmoil. He probably did, well, Yeonjun wasn't that straight either, as Taehyun found out. The older rubbed his dongsaeng's arm in a comforting way. "Breathe. It's okay."

"Yeah. Okay. I'm..."

"Yeah?"

Taehyun couldn't seem to find the right words, he couldn't get anything out.

"I have... I'm..."

"In love with Beomgyu?"

"Yes. No!" The younger felt all his blood rush to his face as Yeonjun looked at him with a knowing smirk. "No! I'm not in— I'm just a little infatuated. Nothing more than that!"

"Okay. Let's pretend I believe you."

"You should, I'm telling the truth."

"Taehyunie, I'm not gonna say anything," he reassured again, as the boy looked very unsure. "Well, only to Soobin. But no one else will know, promise."

"Fine," he gave up, eay too easily for his own liking.

"So... what happened between you two? And don't say nothing because I won't believe it!"

Taehyun sighed and looked down. He guessed there was no escape at that moment, might as well let Yeonjun know how pathetic his life was.

So he did. Kinda. He told him what happened the night of the party after they dropped Kai off, Yeonjun silently listening with all of his attention on the younger, which wasn't a very common thing. He told him about the nicknames and the kiss and how Beomgyu left him alone at the park and that's when he called them. He omitted the part where he cried at home, though.

"... Well," Yeonjun started, tilting his head and making a face that let Taehyun know how complicated the situation was. "First, I'm... sorry."

"You're sorry?"

"Yeah, I... I didn't know you liked Beomie so much and I made him date Lia and..."

"You didn't make him date her, you just set them up. They liked each other, stuff happens, I'm over it, so don't worry."

"Yeah, so over it you were almost crying just twenty minutes ago."

"I wasn't. It wasn't because of him, shut up." It kind of was.

"Still, I'm sorry. But... it does look like he doesn't like her that much anymore."

"What are you even saying?" Taehyun looked away, playing with his hands. "He likes her so much he doesn't let me forget it for a minute."

"Yeah? If he likes her so much why did he kiss you?"

"I—you—" Taehyun sputtered, blush not going away any time soon. "If he didn't then why did he go to her and leave me alone in that park at four in the morning?"

"That was a shitty move," Yeonjun agreed, "but who even says he went to her? Maybe he went to his house. What would you do if you were in a relationship and suddenly you wanted to kiss your best friend?"

"I... I don't... He didn't want t—"

"You need to talk with him!"

"He doesn't wanna talk to me!"

"You don't know that, silly. He's probably embarrassed and confused, you should know this. You know know him just as much as I do."

In that moment, Yeonjun's phone started ringing, startling them both.

"Sorry," he said to Taehyun before picking up, "Hi?"

Taehyun saw Yeonjun blush and look at him for a second before looking away and whispering, "Don't _cutie_ me!" before sighing in defeat and saying, "Hi, baby. Why aren't you in class?"

It made the younger smile a bit, yet it reminded him of his mistake with Kai. It was cute but saddening. He tried to get his hyung's attention to let him know he was leaving (of course he's using the phone call to escape another long talk with Yeonjun, thank you very much) to which the older didn't really care since he was now busy talking with Soobin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
🌹

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He felt weird that day. He kind of... felt alone. Kai didn't say a word to him after that talk and Beomgyu still hadn't shown any life signs. He was a bit grateful that Yeonjun pulled him out of the monotone classroom and made him talk, it made him feel a little bit better, but he still couldn't stop thinking about his regrets for the rest of the day. He didn't get any homework done, he wasn't hungry and he made his mom worry which made him feel worse.

He felt almost as pathetic as a couple of nights ago, when he cried until he fell asleep.

Stupid Beomgyu. Stupid, pretty, sweet, selfish Beomgyu, and stupid feelings, stupid Taehyun's special ability to screw things up with people he loved. He wished he was like his friends thought he was a few weeks ago: incapable of falling for someone. Just imagine! Everything would be okay! He would be with Beomgyu right now, doing homework or talking or playing or doing whatever the hell they wanted to do, not overthinking every single word that leaves his mouth.

But no, he had to be the fool that messed everything up over some stupid feelings caught.

These thoughts didn't leave his head until he was on his bed, looking at his ceiling with big, awake eyes. He's going to be so sleepy tomorrow morning...

But his head decided that it was a good moment to replay again and again and again the night where everything happened. When he kissed Beomgyu.

When Beomgyu kissed _him_.

He knows it didn't mean anything, everything was in the heat of the moment and the older had literally ran away after it. No, it didn't mean anything, not to Beomgyu. But to Taehyun... He would give everything he had for his best friend to kiss him again. He remembered how soft Beomgyu felt against him, how his entire body felt tingly and shaky after that.

God, Taehyun could _melt_.

But then his mind went to when Beomgyu decided to run away and leave Taehyun alone to die in that little kids' park and he didn't feel so nice anymore. He wondered how it was so easy for the older to just leave him there. 

Taehyun jumped and put his hand on his heart when his phone suddenly started ringing on his bedside table, scaring the hell out of him.

Oh no. Was it Beomgyu? Kai? He wasn't prepared for a confrontation of any sort.

After contemplating what to do for at least half a minute he decided to pick up, but right as he grabbed his phone it stopped ringing. Taehyun looked at the screen for a couple of seconds, about to sigh in relief, when another call came in. He dropped the phone on his face, grabbed it again and picked up at the speed of light without seeing who it was.

He wasn't good at this.

"H—Hello? Yes?"

Silence.

"Is anyone there?"

"Um," he heard Beomgyu's voice and swore his heart was gonna fall out of his ass. He really wasn't prepared for any sort of communication with him, not now. "Hi."

"..."

"Hyun?"

"Y—Yes, I'm here— are you— I mean," Taehyun took a deep breath, "Hi."

"Hi," Beomgyu repeated. "Did I... wake you up?"

"No, no, can't sleep, uh..."

"Yeah, I... me neither."

"Hm."

Seconds of silence passed, and maybe it was Taehyun's lack of sleep speaking, or maybe it was his unspoken frustration, he doesn't know, but his tone changed dramatically.

"Is there anything you need now? Just asking, because, you know, you left me alone in the middle of nowhere the other day and didn't bother to check up or anything for days."

Go Taehyun! You need to be tough! Like that!

"Hyunie," Beomgyu said, voice heavy with guilt. "I'm so sorry. I feel awful about doing that. I just... can we talk?"

"We are."

"Please, I need to apologize. For leaving you like that, for... for... you know..."

He couldn't even say the word kiss. It's like he didn't even want to remember it. _Ouch_.

"I don't know what got into me. Maybe the alcohol, the nicknames, the... I don't—I don't know, okay? But I beg you to not think any different of me—of us. We can pretend it never happened, Hyunie."

 _I don't want that_. Taehyun bit his lip as he closed his eyes. _I can't pretend it didn't happen, I can't, not when I want it again so badly._

He didn't say anything so Beomgyu kept going.

"We can completely forget about it, yeah? It was just a drunken mistake," _Stop it_. "I... just want to be okay with you. I don't want us to grow apart or make things awkward. I haven't seen you in a few days and I miss your silly face too much already."

Taehyun let out a minuscule laugh. Beomgyu didn't seem curious as to why Taehyun kissed him in the first place, which probably meant he already figured the younger's feelings out and guessed that's why he did it.

And this was his way of rejecting him, wasn't it?

"You don't have to keep rubbing that on my face, you know."

"Rub—rub what?"

"I get it, Beom, we'll never speak of it again, I won't bring it up ever, you don't have to think about it ever again. I get you must be disgusted, but I got it the first time, you know?"

"I... I wasn't—"

"And you could have told me this in person. Come on, you know I understand. You're in love with Lia, nothing will get in between you two, that's great. But you could at least have the face to reject me in person, you know."

"I'm sorry, to what?"

"Come on, just now you couldn't even say the word kiss and now you can't directly say you're rejecting me?" Taehyun's annoyance and frustration grew every second, making him keep talking without a second thought. "Remember the girl who confessed with a letter? You had the balls to go and say to her face that you didn't like her, yet you can't do that with me, your friend. It's the least you could do, really."

Taehyun was ranting by now, but he didn't give a damn. Beomgyu already knew about his disgusting crush, he already rejected him and made sure they never bring that up again, Taehyun didn't have any dignity or care left in his body. Not to mention he was tired and as hell. And with everything they went through, Taehyun thought he deserved better than to get rejected over the damn phone. He wasn't awake enough to worry about what was going to happen to them now as friends, he was just spitting out the thoughts that popped up in his mind.

Beomgyu had gone dead silent, though, and for a brief moment he thought the older had hung up on him. "You still there?"

"Uh—" Beomgyu started, voice shaky. "I don't think... we're on the same page."

"Huh?"

"I'm not... Hyunie, was the kiss a confession?"

Uh.

"Uh," Taehyun voiced, unable to say anything else.

"Taehyun? Is that why you kissed me? It wasn't the alcohol?"

Beomgyu started asking several questions, but Taehyun couldn't bring himself to react yet, until he heard his name being said again.

"Hyunie, you have feelings for me?"

 

  
_Fuck_. Beomgyu didn't know and he exposed himself. Fuck his big-ass mouth. He could have played it off but he exposed everything, fuck, _fuck_.

"Taehyu—"

In a moment of panic, he hung up on Beomgyu and then held the phone close to his chest, blinking at his ceiling.

Well, this misunderstanding undoubtely was the cherry on top of the cake. Beomgyu was dense enough to not realize Taehyun's feelings, apparently, and instead of playing along he went and exposed himself.

Did Beomgyu seriously not know about Taehyun's massive crush or was he playing dumb? What was his deal? Did he just want to hear Taehyun say it? There's no way in hell he didn't think anything of it when Taehyun kissed him out of nowhere. It just couldn't be.

Well, either way, he definitely knows now, since Taehyun seems to be unable to keep his mouth shut.

Oh, no, Beomgyu will surely confront him at school tomorrow. He'll want to talk about it. He'll want _Taehyun_ to talk about it. He's gonna reject him, and everyone will know, and they'll laugh at him, Beomgyu will laugh at him— Taehyun can't breathe.

 _Calm down, fucker. Calm down_. He doesn't know how to deal with this. He's never confessed to anyone.

He noticed his phone was ringing again when his overthinking bubble suddenly bursted, and rejected the call. He also rejected the next three calls. After those, Beomgyu seemed to give up, since his phone stayed silent.

He needed to talk with Kai. He wanted to tell him about what happened and scream, and also needed to apologize and comfort him, but they were kind of fighting.

Crazy how some feelings can ruin so many things.

After a couple of minutes of meditating, he decided to grab his phone again.

  
_**me**_ ** _  
_****2:07**  
hey ning  
you must be sleeping  
i want to talk pls let me apologize  
dont stay mad its bad :( imy  
love you

He sighed and muted his notifications so he didn't get any more calls and he decided to listen to some music with his headphones on to try and chill a little to at least have a few hours of sleep.

 

A _long_ day awaited him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does beomgyu deserve rights? discuss
> 
> hey, if you're reading this, i'm curious, what do you think will happen with kai? (referring to his love life lmao)
> 
> thank u for waiting and reading, sweethearts 💘


	11. i don't believe you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You... think we can talk?"
> 
> "Is that what you followed me here for?"
> 
> "Is that why you ran away?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST OF ALL excuse any typos pls lol  
> i'll talk to u in the end notes, enjoy the chap!

Half an hour late already. Great.

As he entered school running, he decided to not go to his first class, after all, if he went now everyone in the classroom would turn to look at him, including we-know-who, if he's in school too. So it's a no-no. Besides, he needed to talk to his other best friend or else he'll have a nervous crisis.

Taehyun had gone to sleep way too late the night before (just like so many others) and it was inly a matter of time until he woke up late for school. Not the best day to do so, but it's not like he could choose. He entered the library and sat down before pulling out his phone. No new messages.

 _ **me**_  
**7:42**  
ning :(  
i know you have maths rn so you probably skipped the class i know you  
if you wanna talk im at the library  
,, pls

  
Taehyun sighed and relaxed in his seat. He hoped Kai would come around, and it wasn't until ten minutes later than the baby of the group appeared, wordlessly plopping down on the seat in front of Taehyun, pouting like a srubborn child.

Taehyun tried not to let his joy show and opened his mouth to talk.

"Ning—"

"I'm still mad," Kai interrupted, not looking at him and still pouting. He really looked like an angry little kid who didn't get the candy he wanted. "but I miss you too much and I need you to update me with your drama. So I'll give you two and a half minutes to explain."

"Two and a half—?"

"Two minutes and twenty five seconds now."

"Okay, okay! Ning," Taehyun reached to grab Kai's hands over the table and the younger let him. "I'm sorry. I felt awful about lying to you, but they're also my friends and they didn't want anyone to know yet. I found out on accident!"

Kai looked at him still stubbornly pouting and huffed. "So did I."

"I know, and that was probably shitty for you and I'm sorry. But as much as I love you I'm not gonna—" Taehyun sighed, stopping himself to reformulate the sentence so that it doesn't cone out wrong. "If you had a secret and asked me to not tell anybody, 'cause you're not ready for them to know, I wouldn't tell them. I didn't tell anybody about your crush on our hyung."

"I... " The younger stayed silent for a couple of seconds, looking like he was starting to consider Taehyun's point of view. "Not even Beomgyu?"

Taehyun smiled a bit despite himself.

"No, not even Beomgyu if it's for you, Ning!"

"Don't get all gay on me," Kai gave him an adorable smile and Taehyun knew they were okay. Or, well, better than yesterday.

" _You're_ gay."

"You got me there. Okay, not that we got that over with, fill me in. I want all the drama."

"I'm starting to think you only came to fix things just so I could entertain you with my failures in life."

"Maybe. I'm still annoyed though, you better be careful with what you say!... But I also miss you. A little bit."

"Gay. Anyways, uh, all normal, you know, just... the same as always. Did some homework, came to school, accidentally confessed to Beomgyu. The common stuff."

Kai blinked. "How... what? _Confessed_?" Kai looked like this time he was trying his damn best to contain his shouts inside him and talk normally.

"I don't know," Taehyun sighed and felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment as he remembered the phone call.

"What did he say?!"

"Shh! They're gonna kick us out of the library!"

"Tell me!"

"I don't know, I hung up on him!"

"It was over the phone? Oh, my God. Give me details!"

"Remember I told you I kissed him?"

"How could I forget? It was, like, yesterday."

"Before yesterday, but anyways. He called me at like, ass o'clock to tell me he missed me and that he didn't want us to get awkward and all of that, and kept repeating that we shouldn't mention the kiss ever again, and I..." Taehyun let go of one of Kai's hands to cover his face, a bit mortified. "I thought he was rejecting me. So I said he could at least reject me in person, and he asked me if the kiss was my way of confessing to him."

"Well, was it?"

"No! I don't know! I just—I just felt like kissing him in that moment. I just... hung up, then."

"Oh, you're both so dumb. Truly made for one another. And you're gonna talk to him today!"

"No, I'm not. I'm not looking at him in the eye ever again."

"Well that's gonna be hard 'cause he's coming here right now."

"What?!" Taehyun snapped his head at the speed of light but no one was there. Then, he heard Kai laughing.

"You really are terrified of seeing him."

"Screw you! I come here to fix things with you and you're so mean to me!" The older started playfully hitting Kai to which the other laughed harder and dodged him.

"Hey, stop hitting me. Listen, break's gonna start in any minute so I'll—" As if on cue, the bell started ringing interrupting the baby of the two and they giggled. "I'll go buy some snacks so we stay here."

"You want us to pass our classes or not? You're planning to skip them again?"

"Shut up, I wanna talk to you, don't act all responsible now." Kai got up as he talked, "Be back in a minute."

Taehyun sighed and watched him leave, feeling a bit better than half an hour ago because he had his friend back. It didn't last long though; after a few minutes he looked up again and saw Beomgyu walking in. The last person he wanted to see (or be seen by, really). In a moment of panic, he got up quickly wanting to hide.

When he got up he made a bit of noise though, and it was heard everywhere since the library was fairly silent. This made Beomgyu snap his head towards him, making Taehyun panic even more and start almost running to get lost in between all the book shelves. He felt a _deja vu_ ; the last time he had been there, he had caught his hyungs in the middle of... something. He hoped he didn't catch them again this time, he was fine without knowing what they were doing _if_ they were there, thank you very much.

When he got deep enough in that sea of books, he stopped and sighed, hoping Beomgyu didn't bother looking for him later.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and shrieked, jumping as he turned around, and covered his mouth in embarrassment.

Beomgyu drew his hand away to put it on his chest, caught off guard at Taehyun's sudden reaction.

" _Shit_ , don't do that ever again."

"Language, Hyunie!"

"Yeah, uh..."

Taehyun didn't finish whatever he thought he was gonna say and they were trapped in an awkward silence for at least ten seconds, until Beomgyu dared to talk.

"You... think we can talk?"

"Is that what you followed me here for?"

"Is that why you ran away?"

Taehyun sighed in defeat. "Do we really have to?"

"Please, Hyunie." Beomgyu rested both his hands on Taehyun's shoulders and the younger didn't even want to know how pink his own face looked at the moment. Beomgyu, being right in front of him, must have noticed this, and the thought made Taehyun blush more.

"I... what do you want? You already know everything."

"No, I don't. Please, let's talk."

"Here?"

"Sure."

Taehyun looked away and bit his lip, giving up because he knew he had no choice. He seemed to be doing that a lot these days. "Okay."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"So..."

"Yeah, so."

"I don't know what you... want me to say."

Beomgyu sighed, trying to put his thoughts in order.

"You know I love you, right? And that you'll always be my best friend?"

Taehyun nervously nodded, not really knowing what Beomgyu wanted to hear.

"So... about what you said last night."

"I..." Taehyun shifted, both of them now sitting on the floor, hidden in that place. "Um..."

Beomgyu's attention was on him making him even more nervous. He suddenly regretted saying yes to this. _I can't do this, not now_.

"I'm sorry, I really gotta go," Taehyun started getting up but Beomgyu was fast to grab his wrist and stop him.

"Wait, please," the older was still sitting, "Please, Hyun, talk to me. I'll underst—"

"I—I'm sorry, I—" _I can't_ , "I have to go with Kai, he needed me for something— we'll talk later,"

"Don't leave!"

"I have to go! Please let go of me."

"Promise me then."

"What?"

"I'll let you go if you promise me we'll talk later."

"I... yeah, yeah, Beom, we will."

"Okay, see you in class."

"But I'm..." Taehyun sighed and turned around, "yeah, sure."

When he found his way back to the tables, he waited until he saw Beomgyu walking out to to tell Kai what happened, and to his surprise the younger told him to go to class so he could talk with Beomgyu after.

"I thought you wanted me to stay?" Taehyun almost pleaded. He really didn't want to go to class and face his hyung.

"Now I want you to go with your boy and talk this out! And then you call me and tell me every detail."

"You traitor. I don't want to do this."

"You gotta. Now go, tiger!"

"Don't call me that ever again."

Taehyun turned aroundaround to go to his classroom, but a second later he stopped, facing Kai again. "I can't do it."

"Yes you can!" Kai laughed as he pushed Taehyun playfully to leave.

"I can't, I can't—"

"Come on, Tae! Did Beomgyu hyung say anything mean to you now that he knows you like him or something?"

"... No, he didn't."

"Then what are you afraid of? Come on, you can do it!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

🌹

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He can do it, he  _can._

Kai said he could do it. He needed to do it. The hour and a half that he spent sitting in that place, not understanding a word the teacher was saying and feeling Beomgyu's gaze on him the whole time made him want to run away while he could.

 

It was tortuous, but of course today that Taehyun didn't want the class to end, the time went by as fast as ever. Before he knew it, the bell was ringing, the students rushing out the room to enjoy break and he was sweating.

He can't do it.

Maybe Beomgyu forgot they had to talk and he could discreetly get up and leave. As he stood up though, he felt the older grab his wrist to stop him.

"Hyunie," he just said.

Looks like he can't escape. "Yeah. I'm here."

The older of the two guided Taehyun out the cassroom and to the library again, in the same spot they talked before, where no one went.

"Here, we're alone, it's okay."

Taehyun bit his lip, taking a couple of seconds to try and mentally encourage himself. "I... still don't know what you want me to say."

"Hyunie," Beomgyu sighed, looking down for a moment, "do you have feelings f—for me?"

Ah, there it is.

"No."

"Huh?"

"No, I—I don't." Taehyun didn't know what the hell he was doing. "I—you're right, what happened that night was nothing more than a mistake, we were drunk, I don't know what got into me either."

"Tae—"

"We can never speak of it again and be over it. The night you called I was sleepy, I didn't know what I was saying, it's all a misunderstanding. Can we forget about all of this like you said and go back now?"

Beomgyu was just looking at him, expression impossible to read.

"No," he finally said.

"No?"

"I don't believe you."

"You don't...?"

"Hyun, please tell me the truth," Beomgyu talked without looking at Taehyun, as if it was hard for him. 

"I am."

"Taehyun..."

"I am! Why can't you just believe me?"

"How can I— How can I believe that when you kissed me and then talked as if you were confessing?"

"I didn't—" Taehyun took a deep breath, just wanting the conversation to be over. "You said it yourself. It was a drunken mistake."

"Then what was that phone call?"

"You tell me! Don't act all dumb now, I know you know everything!" The younger suddenly snapped, feeling overwhelmed by the situation.

"I don't know what you're talking about! Just help me understand!"

"There's nothing to understand here. Can we go back now?"

"I don't understand why you're so mad right now! And why you talked about me rejecting you, a—and why you did what you did—"

"I'm mad?! Guess why I'm _so mad right now_ like you say! I kissed you, and you played dumb and asked me to forget it as if it was just a mistake! As if it didn't matter to me!"

Taehyun had raised his voice, eyes watery in a mix of anger, nervousness and sadness, making Beomgyu unable to react. He hadn't seen Taehyun like that in a long time.

"What was that phone call about? Did you just want to hear me say it? Was that your goal, calling me and telling me all that stuff, and now making me tell you everything? Well here you have it! I can't stop thinking about the kiss, or about you, no matter how many times you ask me to, because I want to do it again! Because I've been in love with you for the longest time!"

There.

He said it.

Taehyun started breathing heavily after talking, as if he had been running. They both were crying, Beomgyu still like a statue in his place, not daring to move closer to his friend.

"I get you must be disgusted," Taehyun added a few moments later, voice calm and  _wet_ now. "But I can't stop what I feel. I tried, but I can't, hyung. Yes, I have feelings for you. Happy?" 

The brunette didn't care anymore about his own tears anymore, looking at his hyung who was silently crying, looking down as if he couldn't handle looking at Taehyun in the eye. 

As if he was ashamed.

"I know you have a girlfriend and that you love her a lot, and that's awesome. I won't come near you two, you can calm down."

"I—that's not—" Beomgyu tried to talk, paused, and took a shaky breath. "I'm sorry."

"No, _I'm_ sorry, Gyu. I can't do this anymore."

He stayed there for a minute, both of them unable to look at each other, still crying. 

Taehyun was the one feeling  _ashamed_ _._

He couldn't help it. Having a disgusting crush on his childhood best friend, who has a girlfriend, and being so helplessly pathetic that he even _kissed_ him, knowing Beomgyu is taken and very much not interested in him.

He felt all the shame wash over him as he walked back to his classroom, wiping his tears and leaving a shocked Beomgyu behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah yes, sensitive hormonal teenagers who get overwhelmed easily and cry (read: me)
> 
> remember when i thought this would have like a few chapters and it would be over lmaooo we goin ✈ slow burn
> 
> as always thank u for reading and to the people who leave comments, come get this SMOOCH
> 
> (also thank u for 200 kudos omg<3)


	12. messed up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beomgyu let himself fall deeper and deeper into his fantasy.
> 
> Needless to say, it got out of hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's back !!  
> PLEASE READ THE END NOTES! and excuse any typos. sorry!

A few weeks went by in a blur and Taehyun wasn't sure of how he should feel. On one side, he wasn't really hiding anything from anyone anymore and that made him feel a lot lighter, a bit at peace with himself.

On the other side, he hadn't had a proper conversation or even saw Beomgyu outside of school since the incident. He missed him, a lot actually, but he knew that not talking was probably for the best. It's not like the older had made an effort to talk to him either, so he figured he didn't want them to have any form of contact anyways.

Kai helped a lot. Both of them were in similar situations, so they would constantly be there for each other, and it truly warmed Taehyun's heart a bit; _We should have fallen in love with each other instead_ , Kai would joke when Taehyun cried, and always made him giggle.

But as much as the baby and Taehyun were there for each other, the older couldn't help but feel empty at Beomgyu's sudden absence in his life. And missing him made him feel worse, _but remember it's for the best,_ is what Taehyun would repeat to himself over and over again every time he felt the urge to send a message. It's what Beomgyu wants.

_Does he miss me too? Does he even think about me just a little?_

Obviously, it was hard to avoid seeing him despite how hard he was trying. They shared the same classes, the same friends, even his parents asked him why he wasn't hanging out with his hyung anymore, and every time he'd make up some lame lie.

They couldn't know. Taehyun won't let them know.

One thing was for sure, he felt guilt. Guilt and shame that made him become quiet and feel smaller than ever, face growing red and eyes getting watery every time he thought about it. If only he hadn't caught feelings for Beomgyu... everything would be a-okay. Kai wouldn't have to be constantly putting up with his sad ass, Beomgyu and him would be still talking, he wouldn't need to lie so blatantly to his parents' faces, the group of five could still meet up and hang out like they always did...

He fucked it up. He always did.

But he's trying to make things right.

The sound of a notification pulled him out of his mind and into the real world again. He yawned and unlocked his phone.

 _ **parental figure**_  
**20:34**  
hey there  
we gotta talk

 _**me** _  
**20:35**

uh ok

whats wrong jun hyung

 

 _ **parental figure**_  
**20:35**  
no not now

 _ **me**_  
**20:38**  
????? then why are you messaging me ???

 _ **parental figure**_  
**20:41**  
to make sure u go to school tomorrow  
so we talk tomorrow

 _ **me**_  
**20:43**  
i Always go to school  
you just told me so i'd be intrigued didnt you

 _ **parental figure**_  
**20:44**  
:p  
u kno me well

 _ **me**_  
**20:47**  
ofc i do  
but gimme a clue  
whats it about

 _ **parental figure**_  
**20:50**  
its Gay

 _ **me**_  
**20:51**  
perfect i'm in

 ** _parental figure_**  
**20:52**  
great see u tmrw

 

 

Taehyun laughed a bit and locked his phone again.

"What's so funny?" he heard Kai ask from his spot on the floor where he was playing games on his phone.

"I was just talking with Yeonjun-hyung," Taehyun closed his eyes and yawned again, "he says he has to talk to me about something."

"About what?"

"Dunno, he just said it's something gay."

"Ooh, spicy," Kai giggled. "Tell me all the details after."

"Yeah, yeah."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
🌹

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Please make up with Beom."

"Wh—what?"

"Please make u—"

"I heard you the first time!"

"Please!" Yeonjun pouted, trying to look as cute as possible.

"Your puppy eyes won't work on me, Soobin-hyung is the only one who falls for them."

"At least somebody does," Yeonjun scoffed, "but I'm serious. I wanna hang out with all of you without it being weird."

"Do it then. Just don't expect us to talk to each other or anything..."

"Just like I expect Hyuka to not talk to me or Soobin? We can't be all together when _everyone_ 's tense!"

"Wha... Ning?" Taehyun swallowed, "I don't know what you're talking ab—"

"Come on, Tae. Cut it. You think I'm that dumb?"

Taehyun didn't say anything, just looked away.

"You do, little brat!" Yeonjun hit the younger's arm playfully. "He still acts normal though, unlike you two headasses."

"You... don't mind it?" Taehyun asked, choosing to ignore everything Yeonjun just said.

"Mind what?"

"You know... Kai's..."

"Nope. It doesn't make me happy knowing he's probably upset about it, even though I haven't really seen him sulk or anything." Oh, Yeonjun, if only you knew. "But I can't really do anything about it. Him having a crush doesn't bother me, though. Who wouldn't fall for Soobinie, anyways?"

"Okay, now you're just being gross." Taehyun jokes, sticking his tongue out and choosing not to ask if Soobin himself knew.

"Anyways. Back to the topic, I need you two to _please_ —"

"No, hyung," Taehyun sighed, exasperated, "If I don't talk to him, it's for the best, at least for now. And it's what Beomgyu wants."

"That's not..." Yeonjun stopped himself from saying more by biting his lip, and started again. "Did he tell you that?"

"No, but he didn't try to contact me either, so."

"Tae..." The older paused, trying to think of what to say. "You don't know if that's what he wants. Can't you just talk to him?"

"No, hyung, I can't—"

"Please! Do it for him."

"What I'm doing for him is staying away, don't you get it?"

"I do! But— look, you just need to talk. Trust me."

"How can you even know that?"

"I'm your hyung."

"That's no reason!"

"No, but it means you must listen to me."

"You're not my dad!" Taehyun retorted.

"Except I am. Respect, kid!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three weeks? Was that how long he and Taehyun hadn't been talking? He lost count already.

Lia had started noticing that Beomgyu was having a hard time and that wasn't a good sign. He had always been good at hiding his emotions, his struggles, he thought he had mastered it, but the situation had affected him so much, made him so stressed that it ended up affecting his physical health and he started getting sick more often. How convenient, he had thought at one point. He got sick again and again because of his problem with his best friend which gave him an excuse to not go to school and avoid seeing said best friend.

He doesn't remember being this upset since he was a little kid. How dramatic. Maybe that's why people around him started noticing, because not even Beomgyu could handle his own feelings and thoughts. He was becoming transparent, and he absolutely hated it.

It started the day Taehyun told him everything and then left him in the library to cry. Turns out, Yeonjun had been there just around the corner the whole time, and as soon as Taehyun left, he came into view just hugged Beomgyu and let him cry on his shoulder. He didn't ask or say anything for which the younger was grateful, trying to shove his embarrassing guilt to the back of his mind as he sobbed and held onto his hyung.

Beomgyu wasn't sure what was going on; he couldn't get into his head that Taehyun, his Taehyunie, had actual romantic feelings for him.

(Okay, maybe that's a tiny little lie.)

He had suspected it. How could he not? But Beomgyu always tried to brush it off, telling himself he was thinking nonsense. Why and how would someone like Taehyun have a crush on someone like him? It didn't make sense. Beomgyu wasn't even sure if Taehyun was into boys.

He let himself play with the idea, though. He would never say it out loud, but it felt good to think that someone (apart from his girlfriend) liked him that way.

He would remind himself that it wasn't true and that Taehyun would probably punch him or something if he found out about Beomgyu's weird thoughts, but he couldn't stop himself from... fantasizing with it. It made him feel weird, in a good way. Tingly. He didn't bother asking himself why. He knew it was messed up, just thinking about it: A guy with a girlfriend, enjoying the idea of his best friend liking him, not being weirded out by the idea, actually letting himself fall into the fantasy...

No one could know.

The night he asked his best friend to call him baby and all kinds of cute names, he still doesn't know why he did that. He just felt like it, and the alcohol accumulated in his body made his brain-to-mouth filter and his capacity of realizing the limits disappear, so it just happened. He felt tingly all over his body again, just like when he plays with those weird thoughts. When he thinks about the possibility of Taehyun liking him. Even under the influence, he would try to stop himself from believing it was actually real, but he wasn't all that connected to reality that night... he let himself go too far, tease Taehyun and himself too much.

Needless to say, it got a bit out of hand.

Taehyun kissed him. And he loved it so much that didn't even think twice before pulling him in again.

That wasn't supposed to happen. Taehyun wasn't supposed to actually be into him, Beomgyu wasn't supposed to like it, he wasn't supposed to kiss back, to think about it so much he spent nights awake.

He panicked, tried to fix things, and of course, made them worse.

Beomgyu felt more than guilty. He wasn't supposed to think that way about Taehyun in the first place. And now, they don't even talk.

 

 

He wants— he needs to do something. But _what_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, almost making this into a taening fic at the beginning:
> 
>  
> 
> also everyone say beomgyu bi !
> 
>  
> 
> so, hello. i'm sorry for taking so long. ive been kinda blocked and then something bad happened, so i'm kinda going through something right now and i haven't been in the mood to write ans edit. don't worry, i'll still update and all, i'm just asking for a bit of patience. 💘
> 
> i really hope this chap is decent. if its not, im sorry, itll be better next time! love you all who leave feedback, you motivate me to write this story 💘💘💘


	13. mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "O—oh," Beomgyu stammered, clearly not expecting that. "Y—yeah! Of course! Don't... don't worry about it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!!!!! this might be a bit short, but im planning next chap and itll probably be longè so
> 
>  
> 
> as always, excuse any typos and i hope u enjoy!

_hey, how have you been?_

Was it too casual? Was being too casual a thing or was he just paranoid?

 _i rly wanna talk to y_ — no, no, too foward.

 _are we still friends?_ Beomgyu deleted again. That's worse!

 _hey, i hope you arent mad at me, cause—_ no, how embarrassing. Get your shit together, Beomgyu!

_i miss you._

The boy all but growled as he failed to formulate a sentence that wasn't too awkward, too foward, too casual, too anything. The pathetic _i miss you_ text stared back at him and he bit his lip, trying to decide if it was a good idea to send it. Would Taehyun be mad? He did seem pretty upset the last time they talked, maybe he didn't want to have anything to do with Beomgyu anymore...

This could either end awfully with Taehyun telling him to fuck off and leave him alone, or could end up being a good idea, and they...

And they what? What will they do? Will they be best friends again like before, without any changes? Was that even possible?

Was that even what Beomgyu wanted?

"Come eat, love!" his mom said, loudly stepping into the room. He was so immersed in his thoughts that the sudden voice startled him and he almost dropped his phone in the proccess.

"I—I will in a second!"

He sighed, coming back to reality, and looked at his screen. He gasped.

There it was, the _i miss you_ text, already sent to Taehyun for him to see. He must have accidentaly hit send as the phone almost fell.

"No, _nooo_!" Beomgyu let his phone fall on his bed and covered his face in embarrassment. Not even three seconds later he rushed to grab it again and try to see if there was any option to delete the message so he could just start again and send Taehyun a simple _hey_ , to pretend that he was totally normal about it and definitely not freaking out, but the younger had already seen it.

Well, it's done.

Beomgyu, unable to keep looking at the already seen message and feeling like his dignity had decreased considerably, dropped his phone on his bed again and went running downstairs (almost tripping in the middle, be careful!) with his heart beating faster than ever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
"Oh my fuck!" Yeonjun squealed while showing Taehyun's phone to Soobin. "Look at this!"

Taehyun had unlocked it when he heard the notification and absolutely froze when he opened it and saw what Beomgyu had sent. He was conveniently hanging out with his two hyungs at Soobin's house and, of course, when Yeonjun saw his reaction he snatched the phone to see for himself what was the matter.

"Hey now!" Taehyun reacted, face red, trying to get his phone back but with no avail; Yeonjun was way taller.

"That's so cute! I told you he wanted to talk, I did! I told you! Baby, didn't I tell him?!" the oldest kept excitedly yelling and he turned to look at Soobin. (Taehyun genuinely wondered how in the world could Soobin look so calm despite Yeonjun yelling in his face. Ah, he was probably used to his boyfriend's loud demeanor.)

"Woah, finally one of them grew a pair," was all he commented.

"I know, right? It was time!"

"Uh, hello, I'm still here."

"Reply to him!" Yeonjun shoved the phone into Taehyun's hands, who panicked again.

"What do I say?!"

"What do you think, genius? The truth!"

"The truth...?"

"Exactly. And the truth is...?" the oldest said, prompting him to finish the sentence.

"... I miss him too," Taehyun admitted, despite himself.

"There we go! Now fix everything, we're going out next week and I need you all to be good."

"Who said I'm going out with you all?"

"I wasn't asking you, the five of us are coming. Now shut up and get your man."

"I—he's not my—whatever," the youngest murmured, blushing even more, as he stared at his phone. He was glad it was the weekend already, he wouldn't have the courage to text Beomgyu if he was at school with him.

He was scared, though. He feared another message would come in like, _haha, gotcha! it was a joke!_ and so he would go back home to cry.

 _Gyu isn't like that_ , he assured himself as he breathed deeply. He could do this.

  
_**me**_  
**13:21**  
i miss you too

"Oh, god— bye!" Taehyun squealed, throwing his phone on the sofa and running to the bathroom as he heard his hyungs laughing loudly. Those bastards.

He took a deep breath, washed his face, talked a bit to himself in the mirror and convinced himself that he could do it, whatever the hell _it_ was. Almost ten minutes went by.

"Taehyun-ah! Taehyunie!" he heard Soobin's voice outside the door and he opened it, revealing his hyung with the younger's phone in his hand, the device vibrating. "He's calling!"

"H—he?"

"Beomgyu! Take it, idiot!" Soobin gave the phone to Taehyun, who needed a second for his hands to react and grab it to pick up the call.

"Hello?" he said, voice immediately becoming high-pitched. He cleared his throat.

"Hyun," Beomgyu said, sounding just as nervous as the younger. "Hi. I—I thought you were busy. Was about to give up," he let out a little laugh.

"N—no, I'm here! I'm here. Are you... do you need anything?" He grimaced when Soobin mouthed an annoyed  _what?_ and started signaling for him to say something else. Taehyun mouthed _leave_ , not willing to have this conversation in front of someone else.

"Uh, no, I..." there was a pause and Taehyun locked himself in the bathroom again, ignoring Soobin's complaints. "I—I told you. I miss you. A lot."

"I..."

"A—and if you want to maybe... maybe talk and, I don't know, uh..."

"Yeah," Taehyun breathed, resting his head against the wall. "I'd like that."

"Really?" the older sounded surprised and Taehyun could almost see in his mind Beomgyu's face light up. "I... I thought maybe you didn't want to."

"Of course I wanna."

"Right. Yeah. Cool."

"So..."

"Are we okay?" Beomgyu asked, suddenly.

"What?"

"You know what I mean... we haven't talked in years."

"Three weeks," Taehyun corrected, laughter evident in his voice.

"It felt like years to me!"

"Mh," the younger sighed. "To me, too."

"So I thought maybe you... didn't wanna talk anymore, or something. Which is okay! I respect that, I just— I just miss you."

Taehyun stayed silent for a few moments. He hated how Beomgyu could still make his heart race after everything.

"Hyun?"

"I told you why I was distancing myself," Taehyun said, voice weak. "You didn't try to contact me either, so I guessed that's what you wanted too."

"I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

" _I_ didn't want to make _you_ uncomfortable."

He heard Beomgyu laugh tiredly. "I'm always gonna want to talk to you."

"How cheesy," Taehyun joked to lighten the mood, and the older laughed. "But same here."

"So..."

"So?"

"We're good? We're friends?"

"Yeah," the brunette sighed, smiling. "Yeah, of course we're friends."

"Oh yes!" Beomgyu yelled, and Taehyun was sure he had started doing those little jumps like every time he's excited.

"You were right, by the way."

"Huh? About what?"

"We should forget about everything. That night was a mistake—ah, scratch that. It never happened," he talked. "I'm sorry for getting mad at you the other day. I understand now that I must forget about it now that we're good, yeah? I know now that it's for the best."

"O—oh," Beomgyu stammered, clearly not expecting that. "Y—yeah! Of course! Don't... don't worry about it."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

🌹

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As they guessed, not everything would be back to normal right away, having in mind the circumstances. Taehyun was tense and still a little embarrassed to be in Beomgyu's presence, now the older knowing all about the feelings in between.

They started talking to each other at school again, spending break together, Beomgyu even stayed the night at Taehyun's that Wednesday. Ning hung out with them in the classroom again, the hyungs too, Lia didn't even come up as a conversation topic.

Ah, Lia. Beomgyu's girlfriend.

 

Unfortunately for Taehyun, his feelings were still intact; it was all the same, the heart palpitations, the nerves, the heat on his face that won't leave as much as he wants it to, the embarrassment, everything. If anything, he felt them even more intensely now, after three weeks of no contact at all with his friend.

He thought that was the cause of Beomgyu's slight awkwardness. He could see it, even if he didn't say anything; as much as the older tried to act like nothing happened, he avoided making eye contact for long, avoided touching him... the casual hugs, hand holding, pats on the arm, any type of affection was initiated by Taehyun only,, and even if Beomgyu received it without saying anything, he would flinch every time. 

Taehyun was starting to become tired. Didn't Beomgyu say he missed him, and that he wanted everything to go back to normal? Well, newsflash, Gyu! You need to cooperate too! Or was he really  _that_ disgusted by Taehyun's crush that it made him become uncomfortable around him? The thought alone made Taehyun want to cry, but then again Beomgyu had said otherwise.

His words and his actions didn't match and Taehyun felt helplessly frustrated all over again.

What's going on with Beomgyu?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh beomgyu.... sweet, stupid, panicked gay beomgyu
> 
> im drowning in homework rn but ill write next chap as soon as i can! prepare for some wild yeonbin, sookai, taegyu and a lot more huhu
> 
> thank you for your time! 💘


	14. mr. brightside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's okay, he thinks. It's okay. He can handle it; he's used to it, or, at least, he should be by now.
> 
> Except he isn't, not really. He wonders if he'll ever be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM ALIVE
> 
> hello, PLS READ UWU  
> im so sorry this took so long. im full of hw and stressed and not in the mood to write most of the time; im not even happy with how this chap turned out. there are a lot of mistakes! so, im sorry if its shitty in advance ;; it is a bit intense tho 👁
> 
> DISCLAIMER: at one point, i link mr. brightside's lyrics with taegyu's situation in this fic, so i just wanna clarify: the """suggestive""" parts ["(...)and it's all in my head but she's touching his chest now, he takes off her dress(...)"] i do Not wanna link them w/ taehyun, beomgyu or lia; ik its just some lyrics and it probably aint that deep but they're minors, they're my age, and i don't want ppl to think im also implying something sexual abt lia n beom hhhh i just find the rest of the song fitting for this scenario. yeah thats it i think <3
> 
>  
> 
> hope u enjoy!

"I don't know what's wrong with him," Taehyun whined from his bed as Kai messed his whole closet up, taking a random article of clothing to examine it and throw it on the bed seconds after, next to or on top of Taehyun himself. The day had arrived, that night the five of them were going out to their usual place for 'meetings', which was the cute cafe near Kai's house where Yeonjun had convinced Beomgyu to go out with Lia. Ah, memories. They had a few dishes there big enough to count as a dinner, so the plan was to eat there since it was karaoke night, because their hyungs wanted to sing. They really act like annoying, embarrassing parents sometimes. (especially Yeonjun, but you didn't hear this from Taehyun!) Yeonjun also mentioned something about some friend of his going there too; double the fun, he had said. Seriously, how many friends does this guy have?

Kai was already dressed up and looking cute as always, and was decided to help Taehyun look his best, even if the older didn't really feel like it.

"Dunno," Kai said, this time eyeing some black, shiny skinny jeans that Taehyun hasn't worn in at least two years. "Sounds like he doesn't know how to act around you."

"I don't want to make him uncomfortable yet it's the only thing I'm doing!"

"Don't be dumb," Kai talked without even looking at him. He threw the pants on the bed, now grabbing from Taehyun's closet a soft pink hoodie. "He's probably not, it's just something you don't know how to react to. How would you act if I confessed to you?"

"I mean— are you confessing to me right now? I'm flattered, Ning, really..."

"You wish!" the younger laughed, throwing the hoodie at Taehyun's face.

"You're blushing!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Shut up and get dressed already, idiot."

"That's no way of talking to your hyung."

"When have you ever cared about how I talk to you?"

"Point taken."

"Take that denim jacket over there and these jeans," Kai said, throwing some jeans he just found at his hyung's face to cover his own pink one with his hands. "You'll look decent. Maybe."

"Wow, thanks. I love looking decent, maybe."

 

 

 

 

  
🌹

 

 

 

 

What Taehyun didn't expect, even if he supposes he should have, was to see Lia entering the place, hand-in-hand with Beomgyu.

 _It's okay_ , he thinks. It's okay. He can handle it; he's used to it, or, at least, he should be by now.

Except he isn't, not really. He wonders if he'll ever be.

"He didn't tell me she was coming," he heard Yeonjun say to him, as if he was biting his tongue not to blurt out an _I'm sorry, I didn't plan on your crush bringing his literal girlfriend here, I know you must want to die right now_ , or something oddly specific like that. Taehyun couldn't stop his eyes from following the couple as they walked over. "I didn't know."

"It's fine," he says, because why wouldn't it be? He and Beomgyu talked it out, hell, Taehyun even suggested they forget about everything in order to mantain the friendship intact. He's in no place to complain now.

So, as the happy couple said hi to everyone, he put on the best smile he could muster and said hi back. First Beomgyu and then Lia. Beomgyu looked like he had drank at least three Red-Bulls before getting out of his house, if his anxious demeanor and leg bouncing up and down as he looked between Lia and his friends, specifically Taehyun, while they talked, was anything to go by. Soobin even interrupted to ask him if he was feeling okay, which made him become even more of a nervous wreck. Taehyun supposed the guy was worried about making him feel bad, or maybe he was afraid Taehyun would say something to Lia, or maybe both. Taehyun hoped it wasn't the case.

(Even though deep, deep down, it was always fun to get reactions out of the older. But it's not the right moment to think that, he concluded as he looked at a very pale and very quiet Beomgyu.)

"Guys, you came!" he heard Soobin say as he stood up with his boyfriend to greet two dudes Taehyun has never seen in his life. They looked older than them, the tallest of the two particularly intimidating-looking.

"Guys," Yeonjun turned around to say after hugging the two strangers, "These are Hyunggu and Yuto. They came from Japan to visit."

"Oh, hello, welcome," Taehyun said, in what he hoped was fluid japanese. "I'm Taehyun."

That made the two smile (thankfully; Taehyun didn't want to get on tall-and-dark-guy—Yuto's nerves.)

"Hello," Hyunggu said, polite and sweet, in korean. "We'll be joining you guys tonight if that's okay?" he asked, to which everyone responded positively.

Taehyun forgot for a little while about the couple sitting a few meters from him as he found himself involved in a conversation with Hyunggu. He was still a little intimidated, but the guy was being nothing but nice to him, making small talk. He learned that he wasn't Japanese (as he had guessed because of his name) but moved there to be with Yuto, who was. The latter was more than happy to answer Taehyun's curious questions about the country, the quiet and intimidating aura that he exuded immediately disappearing as soon as he gave Taehyun a warm smile.

Taehyun was having a good time, which was surprising. He had genuinely thought it would be another shitty night, but he was eating and laughing and making friends. He didn't even spare a glance to Beomgyu, not wanting to be rude and look away as his new hyungs talked to him.

After they all finished eating, the music became louder and a few tables had been already moved away to make room for the people who got up to dance. In less than an hour, all the tables will probably be gone. The little stage that was in front of the 'dance floor' was empty, microphone turned off; it still wasn't time to start the karaoke. Yeonjun practically forced Soobin to dance with him and Lia also made Beomgyu get up to dance with her, but Taehyun tried to pay them no mind. Hyunggu, sweet as ever, encouraged Taehyun to include Kai in their conversation when he noticed the boy was silently sulking in his seat as he watched Yeonjun and Soobin dance and giggle with each other.

As the two men talked to Kai, Taehyun risked a glance to Beomgyu.

He felt as if his blood went ice cold when he saw the older was already looking at him. The mantained eye contact for a couple of seconds, neither of them giving in, until Beomgyu bit his lip and looked away. What was that?

 

 

  
Taehyun spent the next hour not daring to look in Beomgyu's direction again, not wanting to experience another confusing moments, not to mention the possibility of Lia catching him staring. If she did, he could pass it off as just him casually looking around and coincidentally landing his eyes on the couple, but... he wasn't.

He had also excluded himself from the conversation, feeling at least a bit relieved as he saw Kai, now smiling, excitedly talking to the two hyungs, the dancing couples now forgotten.

"H—Hey," he heard someone yell over the music and turned around to see a guy he has never seen before, maybe a couple of years older, smiling shyly at him. "Can I perhaps buy you a drink?"

Oh. Taehyun blushed and looked at Kai on instinct, who was already watching the exchange. The younger raised his eyebrows and smiled at the same time the two hyungs nodded for him to go, Hyunggu mouthing a subtle _be careful_.

"Sure," he smiled at the boy as he stood up. "I'm Taehyun, by the way."

"Cute name for a cute boy," he replied, making Taehyun blush again. Has he mentioned how bad he is with attractive boys calling him cute? "I'm Jongho."

"It's—it's a pleasure," Taehyun said, not looking at him, feeling a bit out of place. "Actually, I don't drink, so I'll just have a coke."

Okay, maybe that wasn't true, but Jongho didn't need to know that. Taehyun wasn't about to get drunk in with a complete stranger even if he knew his new friends were looking out for him in case anything happens.

"That's okay, I don't either. I just wanted an excuse to talk to you," Jongho laughed, and Taehyun almost did too.

"Are you normally this confident when approaching people?"

"Not really," he answered as they got to the bar. "But I just couldn't spend one more second without talking to you." He said, just to tease Taehyun. The latter started laughing and hit Jongho's arm playfully.

"Stop it already!"

"Okay, okay."

Taehyun and Jongho fell into a nice, chill conversation about random stuff like why they were there that night, what they liked to drink, they even started talking at some point about Jongho's cat and how fat it is. Taehyun liked it, he forgot about everything else and focused on their conversation; it almost felt as if they were already friends.

Taehyun didn't mention it, didn't even let himself think about it too much, but he did feel someone's gaze on him. It was as if someone was intentionally staring at his nape non stop, 'cause he swore he could already feel the headache that was coming.

"Okay, everyone!" He head a familiar voice that made him turn around. He saw a tipsy, happy Yeonjun on stage, gripping the microphone tightly in one hand, and then he saw a very endeared but very embarrassed Soobin watching him from the crowd as everyone cheered. "Karaoke night started!"

"Is that your friend?" Jongho asked him.

"Unfortunately," Taehyun joked, making him laugh.

"I'm gonna sing for you all. Try not to fall in love with me after this," Yeonjun joked, as charismatic as ever. 

A song started playing, and Taehyun recognized Make Me Like You by Gwen Stefani. He smiled when he saw Kai, Hyunggu, Yuto and Soobin cheering for him louder than everyone else. Beomgyu and Lia were nowhere to be seen, but he didn't let himself linger on that.

"Let's go," Jongho said, taking his hand before he could say something, and dragged him to the dance floor, where he made Taehyun dance, despite the latter's excuses in between giggles.

Yeonjun sang, making exaggerated face expressions and winning everyone's hearts with his voice, still stable and beautiful no matter how tipsy he may be, some people even singing along.

He didn't expect to hear what Yeonjun said when the song ended, though.

"This cheesy song, I dedicate it to my love—Soobinie! I love you, you baby giant!" Everyone cheered even louder for him and Soobin yelled, covering his face in embarrassment as his friends watched him laugh, absolutely endeared nonetheless.

Taehyun looked at Kai, heart in his throat. He saw the youngest look down and make his way to the bathroom, pushing people on his way, unnoticed by the hyungs.

"Hey, gotta go, sorry," he said to Jongho, not even looking at him or waiting for him to say something back before running after his friend. 

"Kai? Ning, are you—" Taehyun burst into the bathroom, not even bothering to check if anyone else was there. Luckily for him, Kai was the only person on sight. The boy had his hands on the sink, supporting himself. He was looking down, hair long enough it covered his eyes but Taehyun saw his lower lip trembling. "Oh, baby," he said without thinking, moving closer to wrap his arms around the boy so that he was hugging him from behind. Kai wordlessly let Taehyun comfort him.

Taehyun was conflicted, as always, when it came to this issue. Of course he was more than happy for his hyungs; they obviously liked each other a lot and made each other happy. Taehyun was glad they were finally ready to show it, too, to finally be free when expressing their love for the other, because who knows how long they had been in love with each other but unable to say it to anyone. But on the other side was this boy, the youngest of the group, the boy that Taehyun almost saw as his baby brother. Kai was obviously in love with Soobin, and Taehyun doubted anything or anyone could change that, because when he thought about it, it was just the same as his situation with Beomgyu. No matter what happened, and what happens in the future, Taehyun's feelings will remain intact. And so will Kai's feelings for Soobin, apparently.

"Hey," Taehyun spoke, tone soft. "Wanna go up there and sing something together?"

The next seconds were silent until a quiet, childish "don't wanna," came out of Kai.

"Come on! You gonna pretend like you weren't waiting to absolutely kill it with me on that stage with a BTS song?"

"... I'm listening," Kai replied this time, making the older laugh.

And that's how, five minutes later, he's on stage singing along to IDOL with his best friend, laughing and having kind of a good time again. Kai cheers up easily, so Taehyun hopes this is enough to make him have fun again. He has to admit that when they asked the staff to sing a song and he showed them the book with all of the available songs, there was one that caught his eye. It was that song, _Mr. Brightside._  In the few seconds that tool him to grab the mic and go up on stage, he was mentally debating if he should just screw it and sing it or just go back down, talk with Jongho and avoid any kind of trouble. Because, well, having in mind the lyrics...

And then he saw him.

He found Beomgyu in the crowd, for the first time in hours.

And Beomgyu was looking at him.

Taehyun's heart, to his irritation, did a thing. He swallowed and looked away when he noticed Beomgyu kept staring, expressionless, as if he was frozen in his spot.

Taehyun kind of felt like his mind was full of cotton instead of rational thoughts, which is probably why, when Kai was getting off the stage, he went to the staff to ask if he could sing that song that hadn't left his mind since he saw it. He didn't give it second thoughts, and he was sure he would regret doing that when the night was over.

But he couldn't really back off now, when Mr. Brightside started playing and the people started cheering for him when they recognized the song. Taehyun was never shy when it came to his voice, he knew he was good and every person that heard him sing agreed, but when he felt Beomgyu staring at him so intensely as he tried to remember the lyrics to the song, he had to force himself to stay up there instead of blushing like crazy and running to hide with Kai.

Taehyun's shy about a lot of things, but his voice wasn't one of them. Every person that ever heard him sing told him how good he is, and he knows it too, but he wished his voice was the actual reason he's actually getting so flustered up there, instead of the blonde boy intently watching him at the same time he holds hands with his girlfriend. Taehyun saw Lia smile at Beomgyu and talk to him, taking Beomgyu's attention and making Taehyun's stomach stir.

 

_Now, let me go_

_'cause I just can't look,_

_it's killing me,_

_and taking control_

 

Taehyun couldn't look at anyone else as he sang the lyrics by memory, not even caring to meet his friends' worried gazes. Beomgyu smiled at Lia and talked back, both of them smiling in a sweet way.

 

_Jealousy, turning saints into the sea_

_swimming through sick lullabies,_

_choking on your alibis_

_but it's just the price I pay_

_destiny is calling me_

 

And Taehyun knows it's selfish, knows he should just let it go, but he wishes he was the one that gets to hold Beomgyu's hand and the one Beomgyu's sweet smile is dedicated to, and he hates himself for thinking such corny things about someone who is taken.

 

_open up my eager eyes,_

_'cause I'm Mr. Brightside_

 

And then he's looking at him again, and his smile is faltering, and he can't seem to pay attention to his girlfriend again despite her talking and talking. Taehyun doesn't know how he manages to keep singing correctly when Beomgyu is the only thing crowding his mind.

 

_I'm coming out of my cage_

_and I've been doing just fine,_

_gotta gotta be down_

_because I want it all._

 

Taehyun can feel his friends staring at him, maybe even Jongho doing it too in the middle of the crowd, but he can't unglue his eyes from Beomgyu's. The blonde seems to have the same problem, though.

 

_it started out with a kiss,_

_how did it end up like this?_

_(it was only a kiss)_

_it was only a kiss!_

 

Taehyun thinks of everything and nothing at once. It feels like it's just him and Beomgyu in the room, like he's singing for him, like Beomgyu doesn't want to stop listening to Taehyun's voice. He thinks about the kiss, how Beomgyu had kissed him again, and almost smiles at the memory. If only he could kiss him again without fucking things up...

The brunette almost doesn't realize that he sang the chorus again and that the song is about to end, that the moment snd the feeling are about to end.

  
_I never_

  
In case you're wondering, yes, they're looking at each other. Lia is nowhere to be seen now, but neither of the boys seem to notice.

  
_I never_

  
Taehyun is overwhelmed.

  
_I never_

  
_I never._

  
The song comes to an end and Taehyun's little weird bubble is burst when he hears the people cheering and clapping for him. He can't think, he can't move, until he sees a member of the staff coming up; he hands her the microphone and all but bolts to the bathroom.

He's overwhelmed. His face feels hot and so does his chest, and he's embarrassed, because he realizes he must have been so exposed out there, for everyone to see. Beomgyu could see, Kai could see, his hyungs could see. Hell, even Lia could probably see how in love he looked. Because that's all he was, a fool in love.

 

The door is swung open and Taehyun swears he almost as a heart attack. God, can people be more discrete?

"I," he hears, and he looks up to see Beomgyu standing there, looking and sounding as breathless as Taehyun feels. "I..."

Taehyun doesn't know what to say, is kind of in shock because he surely didn't expect Beomgyu to go look for him, so he shuts his mouth and waits for the older to continue.

"That was," Beomgyu says, and swallows thickly, "that was beautiful."

A shy "thank you" is all Taehyun can muster in response, hoping that odd conversation would end before he explodes.

"I... I wanted to— we haven't talked today and I—" the blonde can't seem to find the words to say what he wants. "I saw you drinking with that guy, and I—I wanted to talk to you but I didn't get the chance—"

Taehyun briefly remembers how he felt someone staring when he was talking with Jongho, and bites his lip. He's confused and sleepy and embarrassed and he has not a single idea of what Beomgyu is trying to say since he stepped into the restroom, and he really just wants to go the fuck to sleep.

"I—I mean it's completely fine, you can talk with any person you want, but I was all the way—"

"What do you need, Beom?" Taehyun asked, tired.

The older is silent and all Taehyun hears is someone's muffled voice singing Nightmare by Halsey outside. He suddenly feels dumb, as if anyone saw the situation, they would laugh at how unnecessarily melodramatic they're being. He briefly thinks that, if this was a drama, Beomgyu would answer something along the lines of _"I only want you,"_ and they would come out of the bathroom holding hands and smiling like fools, and maybe kiss a little.

But Taehyun doesn't live inside a drama.

"I don't know," Beomgyu says, seemingly a bit more calm and collected now. Taehyun wished he could relate. "I just wanted to talk to you."

"Okay..." the younger replied, because he didn't know what else to say. "Okay."

After a few awkward moments of silence, Beomgyu spoke again: "You know, when you were up there, uh, I really... I felt like I was actually looking at you for the first time in a while."

"What do you mean?" Taehyun frowned.

"We haven't exactly been the best friends in the world lately," the older was looking everywhere but him, clearly nervous again, as if he was scared Taehyun would snap any moment and tell him to go away. "I feel like we're drifting apart again, and like every time we see each other we're just putting on a mask and pretending everything's normal."

Beomgyu _surely_ had some alcohol in his system, Taehyun reasoned mentally. If he didn't he probably wouldn't be so... honest. It made Taehyun nervous. This topic was known between them, but they don't speak about it, and Taehyun didn't expect Beomgyu to be the first one address the elephant in the room.

"But up there I feel like I saw the real you, for the first time in a while. Ah, I know it sounds stupid..."

"Me too," Taehyun rushed, blushing because he didn't like to say this kind of cheesy stuff, "feel like that, I mean. I saw you in the crowd and I, uh, felt like that too."

Beomgyu just smiled. "I missed that."

When had Beomgyu gotten this close? Taehyun was sure that when the conversation started their noses weren't almost touching. He just hoped the music from outside did enough to cover his crazy heartbeat.

"Yeah," he breathed, feeling dizzy. "Me too."

"I miss _you._ "

"Me, too."

And with that, Beomgyu's mouth was on his. It was soft and it ended not only a second later, both boys looking wide-eyed at each other.

Well, maybe he did live inside a drama after all.

"What are you doing?" Taehyun whispered, and felt like an idiot for probably the Ninth time that night.

The older blinked, unresponsive, and kissed him again, hands now cupping Taehyun's face. The latter couldn't help but kiss back, not even having time to care about the tiny, wise version of himself inside his mind yelling at him to stop, to pull away and remind the older that this was wrong, to leave, it's wrong, wrong, _wrong—_

Instead, he placed his hands on the older's waist. How could he stop and pull away when Beomgyu felt so soft against him, so warm, so right? He tasted like the piece of chocolate cake he had eaten a while ago and a tiny bit like alcohol. Ah, so Taehyun was right.

After who knows how long, it was Beomgyu who let go, looking surprised as he looked at the younger. Taehyun had a deja vu.

"I'm sorry,"

"What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, sorry," he kept apologizing as he squeezed his way out of Taehyun's arms and out of there, leaving the brunette alone and processing what the hell just happened. When he stopped zoning out, he ran out of the restroom, not thinking at all about any possible consequences.

"Beomgyu," Taehyun called when he spotted the older walking away quickly. He didn't react, so Taehyun sprinted to catch up and called out his name again. "Beomgyu!"

The blonde heard him this time and turned around. He didn't have time to even open his mouth to say anything when Taehyun grabbed his face and kissed him again, there, in front of everyone's distracted eyes, in the middle of the crowded bar, with someone singing along to a Billie Eilish song in the background.

Taehyun realized his mistake as soon as he closed his eyes and he expected Beomgyu to push him away, yell, get mad, _anything_ , but he pressed closer to Taehyun and kissed him back with a little more... desperation, you could say, than five minutes ago, and Taehyun could swear he felt like he was floating on a cloud with how happy that little action made him feel.

It was over too soon for his liking, with Beomgyu repeating "wait, wait," as he placed his hand gently on Taehyun's mouth when he embarrassingly chased the older's.

"What?"

"Hold on, this—what we're doing isn't right, I—I'm not the type to go and kiss someone else when I'm in a relationship!"

"But _you_ kissed _me_."

"I know," Beomgyu said in a whiny voice, "I—I felt the urge to—but I can't do this to Lia, this just isn't me—"

"But you want this," Taehyun said, frowning, to make sure he wasn't reading anything wrong.

"Hyunie..." Beomgyu bit his lip and Taehyun saw a familiar face coming up to them.

"Gyu! Hey, Taehyunie, guys," Lia greeted, taking Beomgyu's hand almost like it was an habit. "Love, I'm kinda tired, you wanna head home now?"

Beomgyu looked at his girlfriend and Taehyun felt hopeless once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof, i just HAD to add one of my pentagon otps to this. sorry yall, i started stanning ptg again so expect ptg members to appear in the story lmao 
> 
> AND NING BABY IM SO SORRY IT GETS BETTER JFJDSDKSKS
> 
> also, by the way, the taegyu part, from the restroom to the end, was heavily based on a scene in an argentinian drama called 'viudas e hijos del rock and roll'. yeah i didn't wanna take it and not give credit lol
> 
> lemme know if you think its good, or shitty, or just meh. my curiouscat is lgbtaehyunie in case u don't wanna comment in here lol (that's also my twt wink wink)


	15. crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last months pass through his mind like a flash, and he understands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyaaa  
> HEY GOOD NEWS THE ANGST IS ALMOST OVER!!!! but first this chap is necessary so let's get it outta the way
> 
> this story is coming to an end, BUT! i have something planned so read the end notes (when u finish reading the chapter lol) to know sjdkskd
> 
> love uuu

Beomgyu knew he might go crazy, if he hasn't already.

He looked down at Lia who was still asleep. He was sitting beside her, having kind of an internal crisis. You see, it's been two weeks since that night and he and Taehyun haven't talked again. At first it was Beomgyu who avoided contact, the boy clearly ashamed of his actions; every time he made accidental eye contact with his younger friend he would remember the kisses and immediately go red in the face, look away and try to calm his heart down. Then, a week passed and Beomgyu was starting to miss the other boy a little too much, so he decided to not be a coward and talk to him once and for all.

Didn't work like he expected it to, though, since he realized the younger was not so subtly avoiding him too. So, no, he couldn't talk to Taehyun for the past two weeks.

Two weeks of staring at Taehyun trying to make him say a word to him via telepathy or something, two weeks of avoiding each other, of Beomgyu's chest aching every time they made accidental eye contact, of Lia asking if he's okay because he can't stop spacing out.

He doesn't know what's gotten into him.

The worst part is, guilt is eating him alive. Every time he looks at Lia, a picture of Taehyun distressed expression when Beomgyu stopped kissing him that night appears in his mind, everytime he kisses her he remembers the kiss with Taehyun, when she grabs his hand he remembers when Taehyun would shyly hold on to Beomgyu's arm to walk in crowded places, and his mind his just a constant spiral of _Taehyun, Taehyun, Taehyun._

Actually, scratch that; that isn't the worst part. It's that no matter how guilty he feels, he'd drop everything and kiss Taehyun again if he could.

And Lia, sweet as ever, noticed how upset he's looking nowadays which is why she's trying to spend more time with him, visiting him, being more affectionate and even soending the night at his house sometimes. She tried asking what was wrong but Beomgyu couldn't let her know, not yet, not when he hasn't even admitted it to himself.

He didn't want to start his day crying again so he got up, ready to get dressed up and go to school, not even bothering to wake his girlfriend up. He knew she didn't have class that day so she would probably want to sleep as much as she can. And maybe, just maybe he didn't want to look at her in the eye and give her a kiss when just five minutes earlier he was thinking about kissing Taehyun. But that wasn't important, no. He just wanted to let her sleep.

  
He spent the day alone at school, as he expected. His hyungs, at first, took turns being with him and Taehyun, since they didn't want to leave any of them alone, but Beomgyu guessed they got already tired of his indecisive, dramatic ass, since the last time any of them went to see him was three days ago.

 

 

🌈

 

 

_When Beomgyu heard the bell ring, he reached out to touch Taehyun's shoulder but before he could, the younger got up and left the classroom quickly. The blonde sighed in frustration and let his head fall on the desk with a loud thump!_

_"Hey! Careful! I don't want a dead friend."_

_Beomgyu opened his eyes to see a concerned Soobin who was now petting the blonde's head._

_"I'm already dead inside, though," he said before laying his head down again._

_"Wow," the older said, unimpressed, "you don't talk to your crush in two weeks and you become a Tumblr emo from 2012. Noted."_

_Soobin must be tired of Beomgyu's bullshit for him to talk like that, he guesses. It's been two weeks since they all went out and Beomgyu hadn't really heard of Taehyun at all, only saw him in class since the boy always sat in front of him, but they treated each other like they treated the rest of their classmates. That being, not talking to each other at all._

_"Shut up."_

_"No. I'm tired, Jjunie's tired, we're all tired. I wanna be with him now but I can't because today's his turn to be with Tae."_

_"That sounds like you're divorced parents who try to spend time with all your children."_

_"Yeah, except it's more like you and Taehyun are divorced. I swear, just talk to each other, how hard is it?"_

_"I tried! He won't pay attention to me!" Beomgyu whined, "and it isn't as simple as you make it out to be."_

_"Yeah, sure, okay," Soobin said, sighing._

 

 

🌈

 

 

After that, it just was more and more complaints about everything and none of them had gone to see him to the classroom again, only saying hi to him in the distance. Beomgyu didn't mind that much, though, he understood. He knows he fucked up, he admitted and accepted it, but... now what? Where did he have to go from there? What was he supposed to do?

Those questions inevitably fill his mind at every time of the day, almost not leaving space for him to think about anything else. Without realizing, another week went by, evrry day more and more distanced from the people he knows. He doesn't try to reach out to the boys anymore and Lia started getting worried by his incapability to pay attention for more than a minute straight. He feels guilty, he knows she noticed he's not the same, but he can't bring himself to talk to her properly anymore.

Beomgyu kept wondering what was wrong with him and didn't realize the answer was right in front of him.

 He's so oblivious, in fact, that he also didn't realize the suspicious looks his hyungs and Kai gave him.

 

It wasn't until a few nights later, alone in bed at two in the morning that he started to realize. Well, more than to realize, he started to accept it. It was too strong, too intense, too consuming, too everything.

He couldn't stop the thoughts flowing through his head, it was dark and lonely and he had nowhere to escape now.

He wanted to break up with Lia. He couldn't go on pretending to still like her, to enjoy the kisses and hugs she gave him. But how could he break up with her? She didn't give him any reason to think like that.

Beomgyu closed his eyes and let the tears dwelling in there, fall. He didn't want to hurt anyone, that was never his intention; yet there he was, acting on his impulses and ruining his own friendships. The hyungs didn't even talk to him, neither did Kai, because they probably got tired of Beomgyu pushing them away and complaining. And Taehyun...

And now he was thinking about wanting to break up with Lia, the girl that's been nothing but sweet to him, the only person who stuck around, the only one willing to help him with whatever he's going through. He should love her, give back what she's giving him every day.

But he can't. 

He can't, and he knows he's shitty for it, but he can't. 

Apparently in the mood to torture himself, he replays his last conversation with Soobin in his head.

 

 

_"Hey! Careful! I don't want a dead friend."_

_"I'm already dead inside, though."_

_"Wow," the older said, unimpressed, "you don't talk to your crush in two weeks and you become a Tumblr emo from 2012. Noted."_

_"Shut up."_

_"No. I'm tired, Jjunie's tired, we're all tired. I wanna be with him now but I can't because today's his turn to be with Tae."_

_"That sounds like you're divorced parents who try to spend time with all your children."_

 

 

Beomgyu sighs in frustration and covers his face, rolling to his side. He wishes Taehyun was there with him, and he wishes Taehyun would call him baby again, and he doesn't question it.

 

 

_"Wow," the older said, unimpressed, "you don't talk to your crush in two weeks and you become a Tumblr emo from 2012. Noted."_

 

 

The last months pass through his mind like a flash, and he understands.

The boy felt his tear-stained face heat up. He hates that he didn't deny it when Soobin called Taehyun his crush, but he doesn't question it either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, as i said, the angst is almost over! this chap was necessary though, to see gyu's pov and 'development', his train of thought n all. now he knows what's that thing that he's been feeling 👁
> 
> now, as you may have noticed, i made this fic part of a series ("would you be so kind?") since i'm planning to make another fic focused on this universe's yeonbin. how they fell in love and got together, the stuff they went through before coming out of the closet in the last chap at the karaoke. would you be interested in that?
> 
> (again, thank u to every person who leaves kudos and comments, ily 💘)

**Author's Note:**

> so, feedback is highly appreciated ;;


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